Wile E. Coyote's edit to his post on reddit about his plan to catch Roadrunner

"Holy cow, I did not expect for this to blow up."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - I dreamt they were auctioning...... [long]

Wife: I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks.
The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.
Husband: How about the ones like mine?"
Wife: Those they gave away.
Husband: I had a dream, too.... I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts.
The pretty ones w...

A bartender was fired

A bartender was let go because he kept breaking glasses wile doing fancy tricks as he made drinks.

He was fired for his pour performance.

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A man steps into a bar with a bird on a leash walking besides him. he straddles up to the bar and sets the bird on the counter to order a drink.

Every few minutes the bird erupts into flames burns to ash and from the ashes a new baby bird is produced.

After a wile of watching this the bartender leans over to the man and says “you know that bird is really something, what’s your name friend?”

The man looks up to the bartender an...

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Three Chinese Tortures

One day, a man was lost walking through a dense forest. When it was getting dark he came across a secluded cabin in a clearing on top of a hill. He knocked on the door, and an ancient looking Chinese man answered the door.
“Please sir”, the man plead. “It is getting dark, and I’m lost. Could you ...

Mark Twain- “A plan for the improvement of the English language”

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.

The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform...

At this point in my life...

At this point in my life, i drink so i can smoke and I smoke after the bad decisions i made wile drinking, then I drink to forget that I am dying of lung cancer.

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Ponderisms:

Can you cry under water?







How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?







Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra p...

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