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Valhalla Jokes

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Picasso, Caravaggio, and Warhol meet in Hell.

They ask for an appointment with god to ask him why they went to hell despite being great artists who gave so much to the world.

God says, "Caravaggio, you were a street gang bully and a literal murderer. Of course you go to hell."

"What about me?" Picasso says.

"Picasso, you tr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Robert Plant say before he has an oragasm?

Valhalla, I am cumming.

I'm Thor!

One day, while looking upon the world from his perch high upon Valhalla, Thor is starting to feel his oats. To put it more bluntly, it's been a while since he's been laid.

He jumps down to earth and sees a comely farm girl. No words are spoken-- he just sweeps her off her feet and they make w...

Why did Freya leave Odin?

because she ain't no Valhalla-back gurrl!

What do you get when Black Panther brings Jewish bread to Thor's party?

T'Challa challah at the Valhalla gala.

How do Led Zeppelin band members announce that they're climaxing?

Valhalla, I am coming!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Legend of the King Sperm

So one day, all the sperm in a guy’s nuts were having a meeting.

“We always wait for our moment to shine, our shot to glory land, to do our mission, but we get stopped by the latex barrier! We never get to fulfill our duty!”

Thousands of sperm moaned and complained.

“But today, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thor.

Odin and Thor are having a conversation between battles in Valhalla one day, and Thor is explaining how he's jealous of humans.

He says, "We battle all day every day, and it's great, but I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on the things humans enjoy, like sex."

Odin tells h...

My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death

"Jokes on you" I said "if I die in battle I'll go straight to Valhalla"

In olden days,

when the gods were wont to take on human form and tarry with mortals, the Norse god of thunder, he of the hammer Mjölnir, espied a comely young Norsewoman and betook him to her bed. Being a god, he was able to "bring her to Valhalla" seven times over the course of the evening.

In the morning,...

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

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