UPJOKE
odinheavenvalkyrieasgardparadisemeadhorusspearmailhundredheavenlycelestialheavenwardthorrunnymede

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Legend of the King Sperm

So one day, all the sperm in a guy’s nuts were having a meeting.

“We always wait for our moment to shine, our shot to glory land, to do our mission, but we get stopped by the latex barrier! We never get to fulfill our duty!”

Thousands of sperm moaned and complained.

“But today, ...

Why did Freya leave Odin?

because she ain't no Valhalla-back gurrl!

What do you get when Black Panther brings Jewish bread to Thor's party?

T'Challa challah at the Valhalla gala.

How do Led Zeppelin band members announce that they're climaxing?

Valhalla, I am coming!

My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death

"Jokes on you" I said "if I die in battle I'll go straight to Valhalla"

In olden days,

when the gods were wont to take on human form and tarry with mortals, the Norse god of thunder, he of the hammer Mjölnir, espied a comely young Norsewoman and betook him to her bed. Being a god, he was able to "bring her to Valhalla" seven times over the course of the evening.

In the morning,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thor.

Odin and Thor are having a conversation between battles in Valhalla one day, and Thor is explaining how he's jealous of humans.

He says, "We battle all day every day, and it's great, but I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on the things humans enjoy, like sex."

Odin tells h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thor's first time with a mortal woman

Thor was bored with Valhalla so one day he decided to visit the Greek gods on Mt Olympus.

Well him and Zeus hit it off, and after more than a few drinks, Thor confessed to Zeus that he'd never done any mortal women, like Zeus was famous for doing.

So Zeus says - oh you'd better get rig...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.