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Smart Phone Jokes

An older man never had a smart phone, until recently....

He was chatting casually with my brother-in-law (they are neighbors) to say he was done with smart phones.

The older man was **irate** as AT&T was charging him extra fees because he was old!

My brother-in-law was astounded. He asked the older man what on earth he means by that. I...

The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today.

Restaurant in peace.

What do you get when you drop a smart phone into a deep fryer?

An Apple fritter

I'll believe it is a 'Smart phone', the day I can yell, "Where is my stupid phone?"...

...and it answers, "Here in the couch cushions.

I saw a man cutting a pizza with a smart phone

I know it's cutting edge technology but jeez

Why do doctors allow smart phones in the delivery room?

Push notifications.

I remember this one time in high school I pulled out my MP3 player and people started making fun off me for not having a smart phone

At least the quiet kid was there with a MP5

Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?

They had tablets.

Cats don't need smart phones to solve their problems, they just sleep until the problem solves itself.

Cats: There's a nap for that.

Apparently people are using smart phones instead of credit cards now.

I tried this but my cocaine was very lumpy.

Playing word games

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer then settles down to play a word game on his smart phone. "Hey, did you know that 'boredom' is an anagram of 'bedroom'?" he asks the bartender. "No," the bartender replies. "But I think my wife does."

The Misunderstanding

Hi John,

This is Alan next door. I am sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment lon...

A rotary phone asks his grandson how his first week at school was...

"Terrible! I don't think I'll ever be a smart phone!"

"And why is that?"

"They're really putting me through the ringer!"

It was a tough call to make, but the grandfather filled out an application and transferred him to another school over the hangup.

My favorite joke of all time.

A man calls information for a phone number (this happened before smart phones)

Anyway, the man asks for Derp Smith in Derpville, California.

The operator says "I have many listings for Derp Smith, do you have a street name?"

The man thought for a moment and replied

"Well,...

My ten year old son just asked me what were the 80's like.

My ten year old son just asked me what were the 80's like.

So I turned the Wi-Fi off and took away his smart phone.

I went to the doctor and he said you have the blood pressure of a 14 year old kid

I said great. He said, not so great, a 14 year old *American* child. You got four months to live.

Kids are so fat these days the first letters they learn in the alphabet are not ABC, it's KFC

Kids are so fat these days they use cheat codes to play Pokemon Go

Kids are so fat ...

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Another Smart(ish) Blonde Joke

Hot shot lawyer sitting next to a blonde on a plane. He's thinking to himself: "oh yea, let's make some quick cash off this bimbo". This is how it ensues:

Lawyer: "Hi, we've got quite a long time sitting next to each other, so let's play a game, what do you say?"

Blonde: "Ok, sure, wha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are camping

Two guys are camping. Guy 1 has to shit so he goes out in the woods to do his stuff. While crouched over, a poisonous snake comes up & bites him on his dick. Guy 1 calls out & asks his buddy what to do.
Guy 2 pulls out his smart phone & Googles 'snake bite'.
Online he reads that i...

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Johnny's on a Roll (With his two black balls)(SFW)

Ms Wendall was a first grade teacher who had a bit of a morbid sense of humor. One day she said to the class, "I have an interesting idea. Everyday, I will ask a very hard question and who ever can answer it will get to leave the class early. You can't look up the answer on a smart phone or computer...

The French Test Drive

An American couple took their honeymoon in France, and they loved it so much they decided they just had to live there. But the costly move left them in financial hardship. Eventually, they did both find jobs, but on opposite ends of the city, so they decided to buy a car.

"This one," said the...

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So Ms. Delinsky is trying to get her 4th-graders to settle down for a quiz.

She's been having real problems with her newest year of students, who as always seem way rowdier than the year before them. She blames smart phones and internet memes for this. However, Ms. Delinsky a clever lady, and she thinks she has a plan. She's going to start a 'meme' in her class: Quiz Positi...

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The Magic Lamp

A man whose wife had just divorced him was walking down along the beach trying to figure out what he was going to do next with his life. Suddenly his foot kicked something hard in the sand and he was immediately surrounded by smoke. A Booming voice said :

"I AM THE GENIE OF THE LAMP"
...

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