Did you hear about the fireman with a restraining order?

He had to stay away from the hose...

I tried to come up with a joke about restraining orders.

But this is as close as I’m allowed to get.

My wife got a restraining order against me.

I love it when she plays hard to get.

My girlfriend gave me a Valentine's Day card

Silly girl disguised it as a restraining order

If you keep following your dreams...

They’re going to file a restraining order.

A guy goes to heaven ...

and he meets God. God says "You were a good person, come with me" God takes him to what looks like a festival. As they get closer, he hears gunshots. He turns and aske God what this is. He replies "Well, since you were a good person, and did not sin once in your life, you get to commit one sin, f...

My girlfriend and I have been practicing social distancing since the start of the pandemic.

She calls it a restraining order for some weird reason.

I can't stand this long distance relationship anymore...

Especially since the restraining order.

During these uncertain times, it is important to remember that we are all still human beings and we should treat each other in a polite and respectful manner. If I come within 6' of you, just politely remind me about social distancing.

None of this, "I have a restraining order, creep!"

A woman confronts her stalker.

The woman says, "I'm getting a restraining order so you'll legally have to stop following me!"
The man, outraged, yelled, "You can't do that! I haven't done anything wrong!"
"Watch me!", said the woman.
"Well, which is it?", replied the stalker.

‪I was passionately following my dreams.‬

They felt threatened, and filed for a restraining order. ‬

‪Now I’m not allowed anywhere within 200mtr of their presence. ‬

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A goth, a weeb and a brony walks into a bar

Bartender said well well well! We don't see you people often in here. So how about this, I'ma make you an offer. Each one of you say the most embarrassing thing you have done, and the person with the most cringe-worthy story gets a drink for free.

The Goth said, well I cut my ex's name in my ...

I like the romantic moment in a relationship.

It happens somewhere between that first kiss and the restraining order.

I have the eye of a tiger, and the heart of a lion.

I also have a permanent ban from the zoo, and a few restraining orders

All the girls in my town have a fetish for feet.

Any time I go near one, they add a few more to the restraining order.

You tell people God is looking over them they get happy

But when I do the same I get a restraining order? Pff

No Sir, I cannot "go to Hell"...

Satan still has a restraining order on me...

Why cant the uncle touch his knees anymore?

His father filed a restraining order after what he did to his nephew.

court

if you ever go to court, file a restraining order on every judge and then you can’t go.

I’ve hit rock bottom...

...and got a restraining order from Dwayne Johnson because of it.

Girls talking about how they want to be treated like goddesses...

But you sacrifice a couple bulls and all of a sudden you got restraining orders against you.

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.

At least, that's what the restraining order says.

Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting...

...or has multiple restraining orders against me?

I always go the extra mile for my wife

Ever since she took out that restraining order

Everyone always told me to chase my dreams

Now Emma Watson has a restraining order against me.

I went out to a nightclub

They played the Twist, so I did the Twist.

They played the Cha-Cha Slide, so I did the Cha-Cha Slide.

They played Come On Eileen.

I'm banned from that nightclub, but I got a sweet restraining order.

What do you call the marriage license for a couple whose main kink is bondage?

A restraining order!

What's the biggest sign she's just not into you?

a restraining order.

Beautiful Girl

I once said to my girlfriend I would never stop telling her how beautiful she is.

Three years, a break up and two restraining orders later I still haven't stopped.


Made this one up myself thanks for reading.

I just got Natalie Portman's autograph!

Sure, it's on a restraining order, but still...

when she gives me her autograph

I love it when she signs the restraining order without dotting the i with a heart, playing hard to get I see!

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