Pippen: "Treebeard, you're covered in moss, do you like it?"

Treebeard: "Well, it kind of grows on you."

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

“Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'...

Hospital Gown

What do hospital gowns and insurance have in common?
You think you’re covered, but you’re not.

I thought I’d surprise my girlfriend for her birthday.

Her: “What are you doing? And why are you shirtless?”

Me: *smiles and nods*

Her: “And you’re covered in… baby oil?”

Me: “Well, you know how you always said I never glisten?”

Her: “Listen. You never listen”

Me: “Oh..”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar, all battered and bruised...

It looked like he'd just gone 10 rounds with the Klitschko brothers. Blood everywhere.

"God's balls, son, what happened to you?" said the barman.

"Well, I was about to come into the bar when I slipped on a dog turd on the pavement just outside," explained the customer.

"But you'...

kind woman

A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He’s happy to take some and, munching, asks her why she isn’t having any herself.

“Oh, young man,” she says, “they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.”

“Why buy them at all then?” wonders the driver.

“You see, I just...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets extremely drunk at a bar...

And throws up on himself as a result. He is distraught by this as his wife will be upset. The bartender notices this and gives him some advice.


"Don't worry about it. Put $20 in your pocket. When your wife asks you about the vomit, tell her someone else threw up on you and gave you $2...

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