UPJOKE
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Press Charge Jokes

Someone once told me that taking money out of your savings account is stealing from your future self.

Well luckily for me my future self won't be able to afford a lawyer to press charges against me.

She said yes!

Unfortunately, the question was: "Would you like to press charges?"

A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

A barista was accused of stealing coffee beans by his boss.

However, when they looked into the case, they found that there were no grounds to press charges.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] I just made this joke up - be gentle

A small breasted woman was walking along the sidewalk in New York City on her lunch break, going to get something to eat. As she passed by a nearby constuction crew, they started cat-calling her.

Normally, she would just ignore them, but one guy in particular kept making fun of the fact that...

I caught my daughter chewing on our neighbour's electrical cable...

Thankfully, they didn't press charges

But, I had to ground her and keep her at ohm

She's doing better currently

And conducting herself properly

But she's still on a short fuse, as there seems to be some confission as to what she did wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Just had a mole removed from my penis.

The animal shelter said if it happens again they’re going to press charges.

The police raided my house and found dynamite, wire and a detonator with a plunger

Eyes welling with tears, I begged, “PLEASE don’t press charges!”

An edited version of a joke that’s been already posted.

A proton, a neutron, and an electron got into a bar fight.

The bartender called the police, but when the officers arrived, they only arrested the proton. Confused, the bartender asked, “why did you only arrest the proton?”

To which one of the officers replied, “well you see, the elect...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A whole crowd is gathered for the highschool orchestra concert. Its quite the ordeal and every seat is filled, but a phone call informs the the principal that the conductor had been in a car accident!

Nothing serious, but both his wrists were sprained and he could not conduct this evening!
A quick staff meeting and one short straw later; the gym coach made his way out to the waiting audience. Megaphone in hand, the gym teacher walks center stage announcing in a slight static over the megaphone...

She tied me up and had her way with me.

911 OPERATOR: Do you wanna press charges?

No, I just wanted to brag about it to somebody.

Wild Condor

A group of bird watchers is out in the woods and sees a Wild Condor flying in the sky. Everybody is elbowing each other, pointing at the bird and focusing their binoculars. Right about then... a loud gun shot is heard and the bird falls out of the sky. The bird watchers all go running to where th...

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