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Plan B Jokes

What do you get when you mix LSD with Plan B?

A trip without the kids

"What's your plan B if art doesn't work out, sir?"

"Politics."

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Plan B

My wife's just been checking to see if she has everything ready for her first solo parachute jump tomorrow.

I said, "Have you got a spare pair of knickers with you?"

"What, in case I shit myself?" She replied.

"No." I said, "In case your main chute doesn't fucking open."

What did all the abortion doctors do after abortion was banned?

They went to plan b.

My coworker asked me why all the Plan B pills kept getting stolen

I told her it was probably because they were easier to steal than vacuums

I don't get why women are complaining that Plan B doesn't work if you're over 180 lbs

If she's over 180 lbs, she's already Plan B!

My son asked me, "Dad, what does the Z stand for on Russian tanks?"

"Well son", I said, "You've heard of Plan A and when that fails, you go to a Plan B?"

"They're on Plan Z already."

What do you call it when God decides a woman will miscarry?

Divine Plan B

The Aussie House Wife

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned-cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, “Bruce! Bruce!” and he came running in.

“Bruce, I’ve blood...

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OnlyFans’ bankers were going to pull out

If they want ‘em to stay in, looks like they’ll need to go with Plan B

My sink is leaking and my Plumber didn't come to fix it

Now I really need a Plan B..

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What is the difference between beer and cider?

I never had to buy Plan B after cumming in beer.

Plan A: Attack

Plan B: Defend

Plan C: Run away

Plan D: Get to the airport

PlanE.

How is Theresa May Like a Catholic Teen?

She's got no Plan B after she gets screwed.

Why do Christian Priests never have backup strategies when it comes to emergency scenarios?

Because they're not fans of Plan B.

The GOP have placed all their chips on Brett Kavanaugh

They don't believe in plan B

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A guy has a mouse stuck in his ass

So he goes to the doctor. The doctor says "Don't worry, I've seen this before" and asks the man to bend over for an exam. Immediately, the doctor sees the nose of the mouse. The doctor says that he knows exactly what to do and he will be right back as he exits the room.

The doctor comes bac...

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A butler comes up to his lord reading a book to tell him something urgent.

"Milord?" says the butler.

"Yes, Alfred? What do you need?" answers his lord.

"I am sorry for this interuption but I've found some monkey that is up on one of the palm trees we have planted in our garden recently, milord." explained himself Alfred.

Lord sighs, closes his book an...

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I learned a lot from my affair with my health teacher

But not enough to pull out an A so I ended up going with plan B

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honeydicked

A married couple decide to go to a nude beach for their honeymoon.

As they are laying out enjoying the sun a bee flies right up between the wife’s legs. The husband rushes her to the hospital.

He explains to the doctor that his wife is allergic to bees and begs him to help.

S...

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