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Pilate Jokes

During the Pontius Pilate number in Jesus Christ Superstar, I thought the orchestra hit a wrong note, but they were actually changing key and it was Pilate who didn’t keep up.

So I thought it was caused faulty instrumentation but it was really due to Pilate error.

Pontius was a great Pilate

He flew Jesus to heaven

Pontius Pilate: “As a gesture of goodwill to mark the beginning of Passover, we will release one prisoner.”

Crowd:

PP: “It’s part of my new Pilate program.”

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO

Did you hear about the time Pontius Pilate got really drunk?

He ended up nailing Jesus.

Pilates > Crossfit.

Just ask Pontius and Jesus.

Why did the pirate go to a pilates class ?

To get some Booty

A group of bricklayers a fixing up a nunnery

The abbess tells the sister cook to to cook up a meal for the hard working men, but before she gives it to them she should test their knowlege of the Bible. So she cooks lunch and carries it out to the workers. She spots one of them and asks him

"Good man, do you know Pontius Pilate?"

...

What was Jesus' least favorite Elton John song?

"Take Me to the Pilate"

Who was responsible for Christianity really taking off?

Pontious Pilate

Why weren't there multiple seasons of crucifixions?

People lost interest after the Pilate episode.

What do you call a Mexican Biblical Villain?

Poncho Pilate

Why did Jesus run off the airplane?

He didn't like the Pilate

What is Easter?

As told to me by a priest when I was little:

Three bad Catholics die and go to heaven. Saint Peter says to them "To get into heaven, you must pass a quiz first. What is Easter?"

The first Catholic steps up and says, "Easter is the holiday when a big fat man comes down your chimney an...

What kind of exercise did the ancient Romans do?

Pontius Pilates

Jesus is a regular at my yoga class

Pilates screwed him up real bad but he keeps coming back

What was Jesus's least favourite exercise class?

Pontius Pilates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three blondes are in front of the Heavenly Gate...

Each of the blondes lives a sinful and depraved life of sex and drugs. Yet, after their deaths they find themselves before Saint Peter. Peter looks at these three girls and shakes his head.

Then after a moment he speaks, "O.K girls. The Lord as decided to be merciful and give you another cha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

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