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My 10 year old son made this one up. Why doesn't a snowman wear snow pants?

Because his snow balls are too big.

My ten year old daughter made this one up… thought it was pretty good. “What’s the least expensive type of car?”

Afford.

My 7 yr old just made this one up: What do you say when a dinosaur farts?

That was a blast from the past!

Made this one up at work today.

There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.

His name was Popsicles.

I made this one up: What do you call a butcher with a degree?

A meateorologist

Made this one up on the spot at the jewelry store

The jeweler: "Do any of these pieces scream 'take me home' to you?"

Me: if they were screaming, I wouldn't *want* to take them home.

My 6 year old just made this one up, really proud. If a pear “paralyzes” you, what does an apple do?

It paralyzes you.

My first grader made this one up: What do you call the northern lights when they're not very interesting?

Aurora Boringalis

My daughter made this one up

Why is my hair cost money? Because I just brushed it so it’s knot free!!

So this girl asked for my phone number this morning, but I really wasn't into her, so I made one up.

Jokes on me though, now I don't know if my car passed the MOT or not.

I made this one up myself. Hoping it gets at least a chuckle....

Q. Why do Covid-denying men make such poor lovers?

A. Because they're emaskulated.

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A Greek and an Indian are having tea together and trying to one up each other on their historical achievements.

The Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".

Arching his eyebrows the Indian replies, "We have the Taj Mahal.”

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Indian, shaking his head, says, "But we invented the number 0.”

And so on and on th...

Made this one up a couple months ago walking my daughter home from school after a snow day...

My daughter and her friend were telling me that they were building a chair out of snow at recess and it inspired this gem of a dad joke.

If a chair made of snow is a snair,
And a table made of snow is a snable,
What is a house made of snow?
.
.
.
.
.
An igloo of course...

A famous professor is going around giving lectures. After he finishes one up in Denver, he climbs into his car and talks to his driver.

"Hey Bill, take me back to the hotel please"

"Yes sir. Ya know, Dr. Diller, I've heard your lecture so many times I bet I could recite it word for word"

"Oh, you really think so? Well, if I ever can't make it to a conference one day, I'll take you up on that bet."

Well, believe ...

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Isaac Newton died a virgin, which means I have a one up on one of history's greatest scientists

Because I'm not dead.

My kid made this one up: How do you make Swiss cheese?

With a holey cow.

I made one up.

Guy goes to the Doctors

"I have this problem.. I keep seeing cream cakes in the corner of my eye! I look and there's nothing there! Wtf is going on?!"

"Nothing to worry about" Doc replies

"It's just your profiterole vision"

Made this one up years ago....What do they call it when a psychiatrist and a rapper get together for a talk?

Shrink wrap!

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Made this one up in health class today

Suzy gets invited to go to her first high-school party with alcohol. Her mother is no fool and understands how teenagers are, so she sits Suzy down and gives her the talk "Now Suzy. it is normal for girls and boys your age to begin to have sex. It is natural and nothing to be ashamed of , BUT if you...

Made this one up today: How do you stop joint pain?

Turn it around.

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An Italian and a Greek are hanging out

An Italian and a Greek are having an argument. Each is trying to one up the other.

Greek: Greeks do everything better than Italians. Did you know that Hawaiian pizza was invented by a Greek.

Italian: Sex too was invented by Greeks, but it was Italians that introduced women to it!

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Did you know that there was 4 types of orgasms?

There’s the positive orgasm, negative orgasm, holy orgasm and the fake orgasm

The positive orgasm goes “Oh yes, ohh yess”,
the negative orgasm goes “Oh no, Ohh nooo”,
the holy orgasm goes “Oh God, ohh Godd”,
The fake orgasm goes “Oh •insert friends name•, ohh •insert friends name•...

Why did the skeleton go to jail?

Because it was boning everybody.

My 6 year old daughter just made this one up.

An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand rugby fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze...

...when Saudi police rush in and arrest them.


The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for consuming the booze they are all sentenced to death. However, after many months and with the help of good lawyers, they are able successfully to appeal their sentence...

A blonde pays $1,000,000 to use a stadium to prove blondes are smart.

She fills the stadium with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up to prove, on live TV, that blondes are smart. She starts simply with a math question.
“What’s twenty plus three?” She asks the young volunteer. The little blonde thinks and timidly whispers into the mic “nine?” Soon a chorus of 80,...

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