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Nuttin Jokes

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What does a sex-addicted atheist believe in?

Nutting!

Woman asks her husband, “What are you trying to do thrusting yourself into that little plastic bear?”

Man replies “Nuttin’ Honey”

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what do depressed people and sex addicts have in common?

nuttin’ matters

A Message to my Father: "You were never there for me growing up, but without you, I guess I wouldn't even exist. So...

Thanks for nuttin', Dad."

A son asks his dad if he regrets anything about having a son at 16.

“Nuttin” the dad responds with a straight face.
“Thanks Dad” the son says as he gives the dad a hug.

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I did my Jamaican stepfather proud by making a successful career in pornography

He always said I would amount to nuttin'...

What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?

Nuttin'

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I'd rather have my orgasm denied than go off early...

Cuz hey, it's better than nuttin'

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"Your penis is so sweet!"

Ah, it's nuttin' honey.

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If I could be granted just one wish I would ask only for constant orgasms.

Nuttin' more.

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Every time my wife and I do anal I can’t seem to finish.

Some would say it’s becoming nuttin butt trouble.

What are you doing after November?

Nuttin’ much.

To the Jamaican guy that got my girlfriend pregnant...

Thanks for nuttin.

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What does the ingrateful redneck prostitute say when she's all done?

Thanks for nuttin'

(Dad joke warning) What was the almond tree doing all damn summer long?

Nuttin'

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were in Rome.

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were in Rome one day when the see a priest running around in panic. They approach him an asked what's wrong when he says "Mama Mia! It's a tha Pope! He's a dead!!" Then he goes quiet, still panicking with his finger on his lips saying "please, please don't a say ...

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Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth my time to masturbate

I mean, nuttin's going to come of it.

A man is donating at his local sperm bank, right as he finishes the doctor walks in....

covers his eyes, and says dont worry I didnt see nuttin

Some guys are afraid to finish when fapping...

Not me, though. I ain't afraid of nuttin!

Sven and Oli went ice fishing.

They had fished in this lake for decades, and they knew there were no more fish in the lake, but they went because they enjoyed going and getting away from their wives. After a while, a young kid came along and cut a hole in the ice under a tree, close to the shore. Sven and Oli looked at each other...

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Olympic wrestling

A Russian and a Norwegian wrestler named Ole were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal.

Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold h...

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A French, a British and an american naval engineer brag about their submarines.

All three of them are standing in a harbour, arguing.
The french engineer says:

"Ahh, le french submarine can stay submerged for five weeks and and we do not run out of croissants or red wine, they are magnefique!"

The Brit responds:

"Oh my dear chap, that is nothing. Her ...

Two Irish guys, Paddy and Mick are drunk in a newly renovated pub in their town

Paddy announces that he has to go to the bathroom.

"I'llll assk the baarman where the bog isss" Paddy mumbles to his mate and then he stumbles up to the bar.

"Wherrre'ss the jack's?" He asks the barman.

Pointing to a door in the back, the barman says "Go through that door, take...

Something's Not Kosher Here

Back in the cowboy days, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. And then they saw an old Rabbi sitting beneath a tree.

The leader rushed to him and said, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?"...

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"12 Days Of Christmas - Bayou Style"

Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it
las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow
in the swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.


Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but
all I got was two scrawny pigeon...

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