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Ice Cubes Jokes

If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be just water under the fridge.

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I was confused the other day when someone told me I can make ice cubes with left over wine.

What the fuck is "left over wine"?

Oftentimes i find myself putting ice cubes on my eyeballs.

I think its because i wanna look cool.

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Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...

... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"

Bartender: "Water."

Ramsay: "Fresh?"

Bartender: "No, frozen."

Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."

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What would you get if you shove some ice cubes in your asshole?

Some cool shit

A friend was freezing some ice cubes for me.

Let's say he was doing me a solid.

I got arrested for giving criminals glasses of ice cubes.

Apparently you're considered to be a vigilante if you hand out just ice on the streets.

Ice cubes are very badass

I mean they float around their own blood

I used to get irrationally angry at ice cubes and throw them onto the floor.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

I used to worry about the ice cubes I’d kick into the abyss under the refrigerator.

But I figure, what the hell.

It’s old water under the fridge.

Two old guys are at a bar drinking a scotch on the rocks

First Guy: looking at his ice cubes, " these ice cubes have holes in them, when did they invent this stuff?"

Second guy: "Must be a long time ago, I have been married to one for forty years."

My mother woke me up with the sentence „Hey, we‘re getting new phones!“

I was happy, but not sure why I woke up in a bathtub full of ice cubes.

Two depressed men are sitting at a bar drinking whisky

Suddenly one of them remarks: "Have you noticed the new ice cubes? They have a hole in the middle!"

"They're not new", the other one replies. "I have been married to one for 20 years!"

I tried sniffing Coke once...

But the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

If a Cuban man marries a woman from Iceland and have children,

can the children be considered ice cubes?

A guy from iceland and a girl from cuba get married.What are their children called?

Ice cubes

Iceberg

A couple icebergs in Antarctica are best friends. They grew up together and have known each other since they were ice cubes.

One iceberg decides he's tired of all the cold weather, he tells his best friend he's going on a warm vacation for a couple weeks. A couple weeks pass by and he returns...

Parents in 1998: Don't believe everything you read on the internet

Parents in 2018: Did you know that dogs will die if you feed them ice cubes?

I like to tease my plants...

When I water them I use ice cubes.

Onboard the Titanic...

While cruising aboard the Titanic, an engineer boasts to his dinner companions, "This ship is so seaworthy that even God can't sink her!"

Overhearing what the engineer said, God started laughing so hard that he spilled his glass of water and ice cubes went flying everywhere.

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A giraffe walks into a restaurant...

He asks the waiter, "Do you have any food specifically for giraffes?"

The waiter thinks for a second and comes back with a plate of spaghetti with the longest fork you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the giraffe says, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the restauran...

Blonde Inventions

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero pro...

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The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

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A giraffe walks into a bar...

He asks the bartender, "Do you have any giraffe drinks?"

The bartender thinks for a second and comes back with a drink with the longest straw you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the offended giraffe exclaims, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the bar. He asks the b...

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Scientist husband

Wife called her scientist husband...


"Honey... It's Saturday... and you are late."


*Husband:* I'm busy with my team in an experiment.


*Wife:* What's that?


*Husband:* We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH *(alcohol)* with ambiant temperature H2O *(wate...

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Three vampires walk into a bar...

The bartender asks the first vampire what he wants to drink. He replies, through a thick Transylvanian accent, "Warm blood." The bartender pulls a live rat out from under the bar, cleaves its head off, and drains the blood into a glass.

He asks the second vampire what he wants to drink, and...

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A priest was assigned to a new church

He was really stressed out during his first mass; he could barely speak to the people. Before his second mass, he visited his superior and asked him how to suppress his nervousness. His superior told him to add some vodka into his water and after a few sips, he'd immediatly feel more relaxed.
...

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