Hellen Jokes - 33 Hilarious Hellen Jokes

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Why does Hellen Keller masturbate with one hand?

So she can moan with the other.

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Why did Hellen Keller masturbate with one hand?

So she could moan with the other one!

What did Hellen Kellers mother do when Hellen said a bad word?

She washed her hands with soap

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Why couldn't anyone hear Hellen Keller scream?

She was wearing mittens.

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What's Hellen Keller immune to?

Flashbangs

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Hellen Keller walks into a bar.

And then a table, and then a stool.

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a dog?

Neither did she

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Why can’t Hellen Keller drive?

Cause she’s dead

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When Hellen Keller was alive, she abstained from sex…

She couldn’t see herself doing something like that.

Why can't Hellen Keller drive?

Seriously I've got her in the driver's seat and everything and she's not doing anything

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What was the first thing Hellen Keller noticed at the beach?

The volleyball net.

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Did you hear Hellen Kellers birthday was two days ago…

She didn’t hear either

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Hellen Keller had her own language

Its called bumping into things

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Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Hellen Keller with a Tommy gun?

Mike Tyson, Hellen Keller never heard the bell

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How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?

They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book

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What’s Hellen Keller’s favorite color?

Velcro

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Why couldn’t Hellen Keller see Pirates of the Caribbean in theatres?

Because she’s dead

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Has anyone heard the new Hellen Keller album?

It's okay, neither has she.

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Why doesn’t Hellen Keller go skydiving?

It scares the crap out of her dog

Hellen Keller had legal trouble...

she missed her hearing.

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Have you ever seen a picture of Hellen Keller's parents?

Neither has she.

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Why did Hellen Kellers dog kill itself?

You would to if your name was "HERNNERRRNENNERRE"

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Why was Hellen Keller’s leg always yellow?

Her dog was blind too.

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How do you confuse Hellen Keller?

step on her books with golf shoes

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How did Hellen Keller break her arms?

Reading road signs at 70 mph.

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What's the point of having Hellen Keller's house turned into a museum?

If she never saw it why should I?

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Hellen Keller was the first person to go to Disney land.

Don't worry, she didn't know it either.

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What's the similarity between Hellen Keller and a sad pirate?

Neither of them got to sea!

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Hellen of troy, the face that launched a thousand ships...

...And the ass that docked them.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

Then Stevie Wonder "says wait you can walk!" Then Hellen keller says "wait you can see!"
Then hitler says "wait you're still alive!"
And that's the story about how my bartender stopped doing drugs.

Reason for getting fired

Don't you think, that getting fired for such a little, like dropping something small on the floor, is quite exaggerated?

\-- Hellen, midwife

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I wrote a book called Endless Love

It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller

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I went to Alabama

I was passing through Alabama and there was a sign that said "birth place of Hellen Keller". Wouldn't you know it there was nothing to see down there.

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