What's Californians favourite dish?

The Chilli Con Valley.

A giraffe walks into a Californian bar....

And says to the bartender "I'll have a bourbon and coke and 27 straws please, all joined together to make one large straw" the bartender, while perturbed, fulfills the giraffes order. Painstakingly joining all straws together.

The next day the giraffe comes back and orders the same. T...

A Californian, a Texan, and a Coloradan are sitting at a bar...

The Californian drinks half his bottle of wine before throwing it up in the air and shooting the bottle.

"What was that for??" The bartender asks.

"I'm from California," The Californian replies, "We've got plenty of wine"

"Fair enough," says the bartender and he goes about his w...

What did the frustrated smuggler say to the Californian?

This is the LAST straw!

Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville Dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

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A Californian, a Texan, and a New Yorker are dining at a restaurant.....

The waiter comes by and says, "Excuse me gentlemen, I'm sorry to inform you there's a shortage of our special, the triple-meat burger, this evening. Please consider some of our delicious regular menu options".

The Californian says, "what the fuck is triple-meat?"

The Texan says, "what ...

A Texan, a Kentuckian, a Californian, and an Oregonian are all sitting around a campfire...

A Texan, a Kentuckian, a Californian, and an Oregonian are all sitting around a campfire, talking and BSing. Being a Texan, the first man decides to use a lull in the conversation to prove his manhood to the group. He pulls out a 6-pack of Lone Star beer and a revolver, slams down one of the beers i...

Californian man & God

One day a man was walking down a Californian beach and he said aloud "god I want you to grant me one wish." Then god replied from the sky "okay John, you have been a very faithful and religious man, I can grant you one wish. What do you want?" John says " I want a highway that will allow me to drive...

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)

A man walking along a Californian beach was deep in prayer.

All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, please grant me one wish".

The sunny Californian sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I shall grant you one wish".

The man replied, "build a bridge to Hawaii ...

What's a Californians favorite type of comedy?

Dry humor

Hawaiian woodpecker and Californian woodpecker

A Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker who had managed to fly across the ocean to Hawaii, were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

The Hawaiian woodpecker led him to a tree that no woodpecker could peck!
The Californian woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecke...

A Californian, an Oregonian and a Washingtonian all head out on a fishing trip...

It's a beautiful day in the Cascades of Oregon and all three men are enjoying themselves - although a fervent discussion about which state is the superior state has sprung up, initiated by the Californian who won't shut up about, well, everything that California is better at. At noon, they stop by...

Worst thing about this Californian drought...

...the the state has lost its favorite, longest-running Rivers

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man...

Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive...

A northern californian sees alot of helicopters in the sky...

...he turns to his friend and says, "Hella Copters"

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[long] A business man is playing golf in Japan

A California business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke ...

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3 good arguments that Jesus was black [long]

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33 <...

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A guy from New York, a guy from Los Angeles, and a guy from Austin, Texas are discussing the women where they're from...

The New York fellow slams his beer down and declares, "Where I'm from, all you need to do is walk up to a woman, buy her a beer, and you can stick your cock in her!"

"That's nothing!" says the Californian. "Where I'm from, you just walk up to a girl, say hi, and you can stick your cock in her...

Texas hunting rules

A Californian and an Texan were deer hunting in the brush of south Texas when an illegal alien runs across a clearing. The Texan takes careful aim, shoots and kills him.  "You can't do that!" cried the Californian.

 "It's legal here in Texas" replies the Texan.

 Later that night the Ca...

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A man from Wyoming and a man from California are driving across Wyoming in a pickup truck. [NSFW]

It’s boring, it’s flat, they haven’t seen anything interesting in hours.

Eventually, they find a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The man from Wyoming looks over at the man from California with a crazy grin and says “watch this”.

The man from Wyoming pulls the truck over, climbs...

Fresh Foot Prints!

A Californian went out to follow up a grizzly bear and was gone three days. Then he turned up without his game.

“Lost the trail, Bill, I suppose”, said one of his cronies.

“Naw, I kept on the trail alright “

“Then ,what is the matter?”

“Wall, the footprints was getting to...

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Best drink specials

A Californian, a Texan and an Oregonian are shooting the shit when the topic of bars with the best drink specials comes up.

The Texan says, "I was at a bar the other night where every beer is 25 cents during happy hour."

The Californian says "Oh yeah, well this other bar I know offers...

Surf's up?

A Californian surfer visiting Australia was having a good time catching the breakers at resorts along the Gold Coast, but wanted a special experience. He wanted to surf a beach where nobody, or almost nobody, goes.

So he gets in the car, drives north. At the first remote beach he hits, he has...

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