Man calls home before leaving the office, asks his wife to slide down the banister.

To get his dinner warmed up.

Boy: [kissing girl on couch] you wanna take this upstairs?

Girl: He-he, sure baby.

Boy: Awesome! Grab the other end, and try not to scuff the banister.

What a horrible way to die

Two guys meet up in a bar.

The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb,...

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A woman was racing home; running stop signs and drifting around corners...

She came hauling ass into the driveway; car screeching to a hault. She ran straight into the house. Slammed the door and shouted excitedly:

"Honey, pack your bags; I just won the lottery!"

Husband came out of his office, and ran up to the banister.

"Oh my god! What should I pack...

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Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy.

He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiske...

Many years ago I had stopped in to bring my girlfriend...

.....some pizza while she was babysitting.

We received a call that her grandmother had been taken to the hospital, so I agreed to watch the children, so she could meet her family at the hospital.

Well, the parents were at a movie and these were the days before cell phones, so I couldn’...

New husband and wife

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning,...

A swindler Passes by a bird in the stairwell of an appartment building

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger. The bird he passed along the way was the forger's homing vulture, which was en route to the forger's publisher to make a delivery. Unfortunately, the poor bird had to fly down the stairwell to ground level and out the open terrace sin...

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A couple Limericks...

There once was a man from Ireland
With balls made of fine brass
In stormy weather
They clanked together
And sparks shot out of his ass

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who was jerking off in a gutter
The tropical heat
Affected his meat
S...

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Seamus, an Irish man, has a broken leg...

and asks his best friend Paddy sitting next to him to go upstairs and get his slippers because his feet are "fucking freezing".

On his way to get the slippers, Paddy walks past Seamus' eighteen year old twin daughter's bedroom when he suddenly has an idea. Going into the girl's room he says,...

A man comes home to his wife..

after a busy day at the office, A man came home to his wife. when he opened the front door, the first thing he saw was his wife completely naked, straddling the staircase banister, riding up and down. he sets down his briefcase and asks;"Honey what the hell are you doing?!" she replies slyly; "Oh, j...

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