My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"ATOE TRUCK!!??"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a grocery

A woman walks into a grocery, looking for onions. Seeing none, she turns to the nearest employee.

"Excuse me sir, but do you have any onions?" she asks.

"No ma'am, the truck will arrive this afternoon." the employee replies.

"Well, I really need onions. Could you just go in the ...

A grieving widow is speaking to a funeral director...

and is admiring her dead husband's body in the casket.

"Oh Mr. Graham, you've done such a lovely job with my dear Timothy. He really does look comfortable. At peace even. But one thing?"

"Yes Mrs. Stewart?"

"Would you please put him in his black suit? He always preferred it."...

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