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You Learn Jokes

'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'
'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

What do you call someone who helps you learn to fart?

A Tooter (my 9yo daughter made it up)

In school, you learn about spies

In soviet Russia, spies learn about you!

Where do you learn to make ice cream?

At Sundae school.

A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.

“What are you reading, old man?” he asks.

“I’m learning Hebrew, comrade,” replies the old Jew.

The KGB agent asks, “What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.”

“I’m learning Hebrew for when ...

If you learn all of the european languages, you know which one you have to learn last?

Finnish

If it's right that from each mistake you make you learn something

Then i must be Albert Einstein

This is America,why don't you learn to speak English!!

Karen yelled at a group of Scots.

A: Where'd you learn to swim so well?!

B: In water.

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Describe a time you faced a challenge, and what did you learn from it?

I caught my penis in a zipper. Last time I wear zip-up boots.

How much did you learn in school today?

Not enough, they want me to go back tomorrow.

First you learn to read

Then you read to learn

Interviewer: "What did you learn from your previous job?"

Me: "That I need a new job."

What do you learn in both Math and Social Studies class?

Inequalities

When you learn more, it's called a lesson

When you learn less, you're called a moron.

A bass player joke.

A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"

"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"

"That's great son!"

The next week rolls a...

Once you learn about confirmation bias...

...you start seeing it everywhere!

So, after all your time on the internet, have you learned how to avoid clickbait?

Doesn't seem like it

The very first thing you learn in life

is how to think outside the box.

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The womanizer, the drunk, and the pot head

There was a womanizer, a drunk and a pot head that got into a car accident and died. When they arrived in hell the devil told them "welcome to hell, as a punishment you will have to spend 1000 years in your own personal rooms with punishments specific to your sins and if you learn your lesson you ge...

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

A young girl.

A young girl, who was writing a paper for school, came to her father and asked...

"Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree."

"Let me show you what I mean... "

With that, the father went to the tele...

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Wow, where did you learn to be so good at sex?!

I was home schooled

An African Lumberjack

An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

"Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said.

The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single ch...

A mother says to her young son, "It's high time you learned the difference between a man and a woman."

"Take off my shirt," she says. So he takes off her shirt.

"Take off my pants," she says. So he takes off her pants.

"Take off my bra," she says. So he takes off her bra.

"Take off my panties," she says. So he takes off her panties.

Then the mother says to her son, "I don'...

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Steve dates a girl for the first time

Unfortunately, he doesn't know anything about sex, so he fears that it could get serious

Desperate he asks his friend Tom, a real Casanova, for some tips

Tom thinks for a little bit and says:
"Alright, if you want to please a girl, its all about movement. Let's do an exercise!"
<...

A father looks at his son after losing his first tooth. “Now that you’ve lost your first tooth, son, what have you learned?”

“Never interrupt you again while you’re talking”

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The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

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There is this African-American kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the kids of color.

So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. "Hey dad look im white!"

His dad kicks his ass, and says "Alright go show your mother."

The kid goes "Hey mom look im white!"

His mom beats the shit out of him then tells him to go show his grandma.

The kid aga...

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