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Talent Show Jokes

Did you hear about the girl who sawed herself in half for the talent show?

She placed 1st and 2nd.

LMAO IM AT MY SCHOOL TALENT SHOW AND DUDE SAYS “Before I begin, I want to make sure this mic is working”

“If your name is Michael, please stand up”

Then a couple dudes stand up

And he goes “That concludes the mike check”



stolen from twitter @ cheyrubi

I have never cared for talent shows like America's Got Talent, Britain's Got Talent, etc.

I think its all staged.

A man auditioned for a talent show

A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.

Why do submarine talent shows have so much stage fright?

-it's just too much pressure

Talent show

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $5...

They banned me from the school talent show.

But i know they were just salty, because they knew they couldnt make their clothes disappear as well as i did.

A deaf-mute man came on a Talent show.

And what is your talent?
- I can speak!

What's the talent show where the contestants do basically nothing?

"American Idle"

Why did the eagle win the talent show?

Because he was TALONted!

My wife and I were laying in bed watching a contortionist perform on a talent show.

As the lady went through her routine, I suggested to my wife that she should try becoming a contortionist. Without hesitation, she shouted "NO!"

I asked her to reconsider, suggesting ideas as they entered my creative mind. She immediately began yelling at me, calling me a pig, a dog, and even...

A man has a talking dog

A man takes his talking dog to a talent show to showcase its talent.
They come on stage and the man says to the dog 'What do you find on trees?' and the dog replies 'Bark, bark'. The crowd boos.

The man says to the dog 'what do you find on top of a house?' and the dog replies 'roof, roof...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl at a talent show succeeds in tying a cherry stem in her mouth, but accidentally swallows it.

No one believes she tied it. She assures everyone she has and can prove it. “I shit you knot.”

When I was auditioning for the talent show, my dad gave me a $1 bill and told me to let the judges see it.

When I said that a $1 bill wouldn't work to bribe the judges, he responded "It's not for bribing them, it's to let them see you actually holding a note!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s true kind of

What do you call a talent show judge who poops a lot


Simon bowel

My friend told me he wanted to take part in a TV talent show. Obviously I wanted to support him as well as I could.

So i killed his mother.

Christmas jokes needed

I am about to MC a high school Christmas staff talent show and need your best Christmas or holiday jokes. This is happening in two hours.

Sam had amazing vocal skills, but was in doubt of them all the time. He got himself to sign up to a Talent Show for the first time. And finally in front of all the people

Samsung

Watched a talent show audition and of course before this guy gets up to sing he has to go on and on about how his Swedish car broke down on the way there and he has no way home, etc.

I wish people could just sing without telling a Saab story.

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