UPJOKE
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Sur Jokes

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The trip to Rome

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.

He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded,

\- “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

\- “We’re taking United,” wa...

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

I unexpectedly won a free trip to the most scenic part of the California central coast.

It was a Big Sur prize.

It was Ho Choo’s first time in America, and he was excited to visit an “American bar”.

He quickly locates one and finds a seat by the counter, where two other men are already seated.

The surly bartender tilts his head at the first man, who says “Jack Daniels, single.”

The bartender nods and looks towards the second man, who says, “Johnny Walker, single.”

The bart...

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300lb guy goes to the hospital for life changing surgery.

As he enters, the surgeons inspect him and one says to him, "I'm very sorry Sir, but it looks like were going to have to put you down".

"What? I can't believe it!" replies the man, "It... it can't be that bad, surly?"

"Yes, you disgustingly fat sack of shit, the 4 of us can't carry yo...

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You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

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A man is sitting alone in a bar

A man is sitting alone in a bar staring at a drink. In walks a surly, tatted up biker. He sees the man sitting alone, walk over, picks up the man’s drink and downs it in one go. He then looks at the man and says, “What are ya gonna do about it, huh?”

The man suddenly starts to break down cry...

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The party

Dan, a city man, decides to move to a small cabin in the mountains.

After 6 months of hardly any human contact, except for venturing into town for supplies, he hears a knock on his door.

He opens the door to find this big, surly, bearded man standing in front of him.

"May I help...

A man walks into a bar

and orders a drink. While he’s waiting, he can’t help but notice the disgruntled looking fellow sitting next to him. In front of him on the bar, is a tiny man in a tuxedo playing a concerto on a tiny piano. Obviously curious, the man asks:

Hey buddy, what’s with the tiny musician?

“H...

Communism Joke (apparently it was one of Ronald Reagan's favorites)

A Soviet woman is trying to buy a Lada, one of the cheap automobiles made in the former Soviet Union. The dealer tells her that there is a shortage of these cars, despite their reputation for shoddy quality. Still, the woman insists on placing an order. The dealer gets out a large, dusty ledger and ...

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Little Jonny and the annoying preacher!

During the summer, little Jonny and his parents had just moved into a new house that just happened to be right next to a church. After unpacking, and a good nights rest, little Jonny was awakened pretty early in the morning, by a loud voice coming from the church next door. He peered out his window ...

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So a woman wants to buy a parrot for her husband

She goes to the store and asks the manager, who replies, " I have two parrots, one repeats everything you say, and the other keeps all your secrets."

She asks to see the secret-keeping Parrot, and the manager obliges. He brings it out and she asks it,"How do I look?"
The surly parrot then...

The Story of Jack the Sugar Cane farmer

There once was a peaceful agrarian village at the edge of an enchanted forest. The village lived mostly self-sufficiently with farmers specializing in crops and trading with other farmers for goods and services. Jack, a humble sugar cane farmer, lived in this village when something horrible happened...

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