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Ride On Jokes

I offered my elderly neighbour 20 bucks to give me a ride on her stair lift.

I think she's gonna take me up on it..

A little girl was walking home from school when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her.

Man: Hey little girl, want to ride on the back of my motorcycle?

Girl: No.

Man: Come on sweetie, I'll give you five dollars if you ride with me.

Girl: Get away from me or I'll call the cops.

Man: How about twenty dollars, just get on the back with me.

Girl: (Starts...

1st man sees 2nd man and gives him a ride on his bike

1st man: "Hey! I feel something poking on my back."

2nd man: "It's just a stack of cash I got as salary."

(A bit later)

1st man: "I still feel something poking on my back."

2nd: "As I said, it's my salary."

1st man: "You must be your boss' favourite because your sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people word...

A man in the desert rents out a camel to ride on.

The rental guy asks, “Have you ever ridden one of these?”

The man replies, “No.”

“It’s simple. If you say Woah, it will walk. If you say Woah Woah, it will run. If you say Woah Woah Woah, it will run so fast you have to pray to god to stop.”

The man hops on the camel and says “W...

Your sister asked me to bring her something hard to ride on.

I don't know why she got so mad, a unicycle is pretty hard to ride.

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, “What do you think you are doing?“

“What if you have an accident?”

The priests say, “Don’t worry, my son. God is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcy...

Back in my day we had to fly those bombs to the target. They didn't ride on these fancy rockets.

Ok bomber.

Two hydrogen atoms decide that they want to ride on the Large Hadron Collider.

They jump on a plane to Switzerland and sneak in while no one is looking. As they start to speed up one of them realises that they have both lost their electrons. It mentions it to his friend who asks "Are you sure?"

It replys "I'm positive."

I made a disk out of iron that children can ride on

I guess you could call it a ferrous wheel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a hippie gets a ride on the public bus and sees a hot young nun.

He sits down next to her and
promptly asks if she would like to
have Sex, to which she immediately
says NO and walks off the bus.
The Bus Driver leans over and says
"Hey guy I know how to get that nun
to have Sex with you..."
Naturally the Hippie asks, and the
Bus Dri...

A young Amish couple got married. After the wedding, they went out for a ride on a horse and buggy.

Everything was going fine, until all of a sudden the horse stops. The husband gets out, walks over to the horse, looks it dead in the eyes and said "That's one". The husband gets back in the buggy, and they start moving like normal. A few minutes later, the horse stops again. The husband gets o...

What animal likes to give a pig a ride on his back?

A police horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first day of first grade

The teacher asked the children what they had done over the summer.
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I went for a ride on the choo-choo."
"That's very nice," the teacher said, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say choo-choo, we say train."
The next child raised her hand ...

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