Twelve Inch Jokes - 39 Hilarious Twelve Inch Jokes

Why can't a nose be twelve inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

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My dick may not be twelve inches...

But it sure smells like a foot.

Heard that from an old tugboat captain today and I had to share.

What do you call a ball that is twelve inches long that you kick?

A football.

The Twelve Inch Pianist

A man walks into a bar and sees upon the counter a very small man playing on a very small piano. The man goes up to the bartender and asks, "Wherever did you find such a man?" The bartender replies, "I've got a genie in a bottle. He's in the back, would you wanna see him?" Enthralled, the man follow...

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A man walks into a bar and strolls up to the counter

Without a word he pulls out a miniature piano and a foot tall man from his jacket. The tiny man immediately starts playing a beautiful sonata.

"Thats amazing son. Where in the world did you get him from?", asked the bartender.

The man pulls out a magic lamp and sets it on the counter...

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I'm about to tell my date that my penis is twelve inches wide.

I don't know how she's going to take it.

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A guy with a stutter walks into a doctor's office...

He asks the Doctor, "Hey, d-d-doc. I have a bad s-s-s-stutter, and I th-th-think it's because of my twelve inch p-p-penis. D-d-do you think you c-c-can take a f-f-few inches off?"

And the doctor replies, "Sure! No problem, at all!"

So they perform the surgery, the doctor removes severa...

A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer and takes out a smoke, he asks the guy sitting next to him for a light and is handed a giant lighter. He looks at it curiously, lights his smoke and hands it back while inquiring where one would get such a large lighter?

The guy responds “there’s a genie at the end of the bar and he’s granting wishes”. The man gets up and walks up to sit next to the genie and says, “I hear you’re granting wishes”. The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds “yeah but one wish per customer!” The guy shrugs and say...

A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, "I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"

So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler.

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Paratrooper's First Jump NSFW

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he phoned his father to tell him the news.

"So, did ...

Two guys were on a golf course playing a couple rounds when one turns to the other and says "Hey man, do you have a lighter?" the other guy opens up a compartment on his golf bag and says "Yeah, here you go." and hands the first guy this giant lighter.

The first guy says "Man that's a huge lighter, where'd you get this?" the other guy says "Oh, well, there's this genie lamp I found, rubbed it, genie came out, and said he'd grant me one wish." The first guy says "Wow, that's crazy, do you still have the lamp?" The other guy opens up another compart...

Why are fire trucks red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people, and eight plus four is twelve. Twelve inches is a foot, and a foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler, but queen Elizabeth is also a ship, and ships sail the seas, and seas have fish, and fish have fins, and the Fins fought the Russians, Russi...

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Nsfw.The hard of hearing genie.

Three people ran into a genie on their way home.
The genie was holding a sign that read he will grant one wish per person, but the he is hard of hearing so wish carefully.
The first wisher, a young man, yelled his wish.
A twelve inch penis.
What he got was a twelve inch pianist.
The s...

Ever hear the one about the guy who played a foot long piano?

Me neither, there's nothing funny about a twelve inch pianist.

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Harold and Phil are out golfing

Phil craves a smoke, so he pulls out a cigarette and asks Harold if he has a light.

"Sure", says Harold. He reaches into his golf bag and pulls out a massive foot-long gas lighter.

"Wow, where did you get that huge lighter?" asks Phil.

"My genie", says Harold.

"Your... ge...

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A man walks into a bar with a beautiful woman on each arm.

A man walks into a bar with a beautiful woman on each arm. He reaches into the front pocket of his jacket and pulls out a hundred dollar bill and asks for three drinks.

The bartender puts the drinks on the bar and immediately, a tiny man runs out over, climbs up the bar and kicks over his dri...

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A man walks into a bar.....

This man walks into a bar. He sees that there are only two people there. The bartender and a lady sitting at the end of the bar. He also notices several odd things, like groups of animals and various other odd sights. He goes to the bartender and asks 'got a light, and what's up with this bar?' The ...

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A man walks into a bar holding a paper bag...

...and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender eyes the bag curiously as he finishes up filling the man’s cup. As he comes back to the table, his curiosity gets the better of him and he asks the man, “what’s in the bag?”

Wordlessly, the man pulls out a small grand piano, a small piano ...

So a guy walks into bar and reaches into his pocket...

From his pocket, he produces a very small grand piano. A moment later, he produces a 1ft tall man from his other pocket and places him down next to the piano. The little man immediately sits down and begins to play the piano, and remarkably well at that. The bar patrons are amazed and one of them ap...

A priest....

A priest, an Irishman, a horse, a gorilla, a twelve inch pianist and an infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The bartender says "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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Millionaire marriage proposal

A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles. He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit...

A man walks into a bar

And he sees a 1 foot tall bloke dancing on the keyboard of a piano. He asks the bartender, "Where did you get the lil guy from?" The bartender replied "I got him from this wishing rock", gesturing to a small black rock on the counter.

The man asked if he can give it a try. The bartender said...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits down and helps up a tiny man onto the bar, pulls out a tiny piano from his backpack, and the tiny man begins to play.

The more average sized man orders a drink and a few minutes go by until the bartender finally gives in.

"Alright, what's the deal with the pianist?" The barten...

A man walks into a bar with a blue bird of happiness on one shoulder and a leprachaun on the other

He walks up to the bar, hands over a thousand dollars, orders three scotch and waters, buys drinks for the entire bar and tells the manager to keep the change. The man drinks his scotch and water, the blue bird drinks his but the leprachaun downs his drink in one gulp, throws the glass and smashes t...

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. He then sets his briefcase on the bar and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny man. He sets them both on the bar and, immediately, the tiny man starts playing the tiny piano. The bartender looks over, astounded, and asks "sir, where did you get that tiny piano p...

The Weenie Geenie

A man walks into a bar and compliments the manager on the little piano player. After the man asks where the manager found such a small man with exquisite talent, the manager gave the man a lamp. The man rubs the lamp and a genie comes out granting him one wish. The man in complete disbelief wishes f...

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(long)A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender,

"If I show you something amazing will you give me a free beer?" The bartender says "sure, if I'm truly amazed, your first round is on me." so the man sets his briefcase on the bar, opens it up and pulls out a tiny piano. Then the man reaches in and pulls out a tiny man, about a foot tall. The tiny m...

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A tall man walks into a bar, with a tiny man standing on his shoulder.

... and orders a beer. As soon as he sits down at the counter the tiny man hops off his shoulder and starts walking around. It is just a bit taller than a pint of beer, and dressed in a sports jersey. It walks over to the guy right to him, chugs his beer in one go, bumps his fist into the guys shoul...

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A man walks down a lonely beach

After a while, he sees another man laying on a towel with a lamp on one side of him and a one foot tall man playing the piano on the other side of him.

After exchanging pleasantries, the first man asks "what's that?", pointing to the lamp. "Oh, that?", says the second man. "That's a magic lam...

The Pianist

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, th...

A man walks into a bar and puts a shoebox down on the table...

He says, "I'll have a beer and a shot of Jack Daniels for my friend in the box."
The bartender looks down and sees a small man playing the piano. He brings the drinks and then asks, "Where'd you get this little guy?"
The man at the bar replies, "I was walking on the beach when I found a bottle...

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar. There's a tiny man playing a tiny piano Barton. "What's with the..."

"Fuckin genie's a goddamn idiot. I rubbed his lamp and well...I got this...anyway I chucked him and his stupid lamp out in the trash."

Intrigued, the man left the bar and went to the garbage...

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So a man walks into a bar with a 1-foot-tall well-dressed person behind him

The man pulls an electronic piano out of his pocket and sets it up on the bar, then sets up a tiny little stool. The foot-tall man takes a seat, cracks his knuckles, and begins to tickle the ivories in the most beautiful manner the bartender has ever heard.

As the sweet melodies resounded th...

A man hears beautiful music coming from a bar and walks in.

He sees a very very short man playing the piano. He walks to the bar and orders a drink. After listening for a while he asks the bartender "where did you get this piano player?" The bartender says "from a genie." The man laughs and has a few more drinks. He jokingly asks the bartender "so where'd yo...

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Man walks into a bar

A gentleman walks into a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender is making his drink, he notices the man go into his jacket and pull out a tiny stool and place it on the bar. After fumbling around in another pocket, he pulls out a tiny piano and places it next to the stool. He then goes into anothe...

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A man walks into a bar and starts talking to the guys there.

He and the guys have a great conversation, and they are all very interested in what everyone has to say. Eventually one of the guys asks, "Do any of you guys have any cool tricks to show us?"

The man who just walked in says, "Actually, yes I do have a trick!" He pulls a very small man out of ...

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Weary man walks into a bar...

Inside it's warm and someone out of sight is playing a piano. The music soothes the man and the weight of the world is totally lifted from his shoulders. It's so soft and lilting he feels like he's bathing in it.

He goes to the barkeep and orders a beer.

"Hey," he says to bartender, "W...

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My Favorite Joke

I have no idea who originally wrote it and since I am rarely on this sub I have no idea if it has already been posted.

Guy walks into a bar, sets a big bag down on the floor and orders a drink. No one else is there so the bartender asks the guy what's in the bag. The guy shrugs, reaches int...

Tiny Concerto

So, a guy walks into a bar. It's early in the afternoon, and he's the only customer, so he sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings it, sets it down, and says, "That'll be 20 dollars." The man looks at him, wide-eyed, and says "Twenty dollars? For one freaking beer?" "Oh no", say...

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