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On Television Jokes

What’s the dirtiest thing ever said on television

GEE ward you were awfully rough on the beaver last night

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he ...

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television.

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I object to all this sex on television

I keep falling off

You should never let your children watch the symphony on television.

Too much sax and violins

Fidel Castro is making a speech on television.

At the five-hour mark, he says, "look at all the poverty in America! In Havana everyone has an apartment, but in Miami there are people sleeping on park benches!"

The next day a classified ad appears in the Havana paper: "WANTED TO TRADE: two-bedroom apartment in Havana for park bench in Miam...

I have a friend that does maintenance work on television transmitter towers, some of which are more than 1000' in height. He doesn't always wear a safety harness when climbing.

I don't think he grasps the gravity of the situation.

Inner peace can be found, eventually

Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve Inner Peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So, I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of ...

North Korea: Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be landing a man on the sun within 10 years.

A startled reporter shouted, “But the sun is thousands of degrees
Celsius. No one can get within 10 million miles of the sun!”

The audience was stunned at the reporter's brazen challenge and the room
fell into a long silence. But instead of having the
reporter arrested, Kim calmly re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend was looking at a picture of Stalin, FDR, and Churchill when...

A news video of Putin, Johnson, and Trump appeaered on television.

"Things have really changed a lot in the last 75 years, haven't they?"

"Nah, some things never change."

"Oh yeah, like what?"

"One holds a parade in Moscow to celebrate his triumph over Nazi Germa...

It’s the first baseball game of 2020

This was told to me by my 90 year old Grandpa.

It’s the first baseball game of the 2020 season. A father and son are watching the home opener of their favorite team on television. The first batter up to the plate gets hit with the ball and is walked down to first. While at the base, the runn...

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