Neglige Jokes

Working at the post office, I’m used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, “What’s the trouble?”

“I went out this morning,” she began, “and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but... read more

Violent video games

but the delivery is messed up

A traveling salesman knocks on a door. Seconds later, a stunning woman answers, wearing a see-thru neglige'. Her body is the stuff of dreams. She leans out the door and whispers- "Quick! I hear somebody coming! Come inside!" The man enters and the woman drops the neglige' to the floor. "Tell me", sh... read more

Nothing if you're a gorilla.

A man is flying solo in a hot air balloon and he discovers that he is lost. He lowers altitude until he can see a guy walking through a field.

He says to the guy, "Hey, where am I"?
The guy replies, "You are in a hot air balloon about 8 feet above farmer Jack's field."
The balloon ... read more

\-- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.



\-- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.



\-- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.



\-- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. ... read more

Joe, a train conductor, was driving his train when he fell asleep at the controls. The train suffered a terrible crash and only those in the front of the train survived. Joe was put on trial for the negligent homicide of nearly a hundred people. He was found guilty and sentenced to death by the elec... read more

Dad: knock, knock.

Son: who's there?

Dad: Negligence.

Son: umm? Negligence who?

Dad: ...

He orders a 5 AM wake up call for the next day.

Next day, the phone doesn't ring till 5:30AM.

He calls reception and complains about it saying that if he had a million dollar deal, he would've lost it due to their negligence.

The receptionist says that if he had a million dollar... read more

**The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a gross negligent manner. **

A 85 year old lady has to go to a new doctor, and he is reviewing her file and the list of medications she is on, and finds in the long list that she is on the contraceptive pill.
"Why are you on the pill at your age?" he asks
"Well it helps me to sleep at night" she replies
The doctor is s... read more

Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.

The salesman replied, "This vulture has special powers. Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier will give you 90% off!"

"Really? How much does it cost?"

"A million dollars."

The man balked a... read more

He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works.
He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive ... read more

He was operating a late night train and feel asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognize a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given th... read more

Twenty five years. Twenty five years, and I never killed a single person until a few months ago. Now I'm on death row for multiple charges: manslaughter, murder, negligence.

After the first, I thought it was over. I thought nothing of the fact that the Sheriff warned me I would be sentenced t... read more