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An Israeli soldier lands on Heathrow Airport

During filling up the immigration form after name, sex, age etc. there was a section which asked, “Occupation?”

He answered, “No, just visiting”

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A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Busine...

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I was at the departure lounge at Heathrow Airport when a tourist said to me - "You know what? This England country has to be the asshole of Europe"...

I said "I take it you're passing through".

Just waiting for my sister at Heathrow Airport,

as I saw her emerge in arrivals I shouted, "Hi sis, " Never seen as many armed police appear as quickly in my life!

At Heathrow airport in England...

...a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out and President Putin strode to a warm but dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth.

They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge
of Central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.

As ...

At Heathrow Airport today...

An individual claiming to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra crime syndicate and charged him with carrying weapons of math destructio...

Did you hear about the Customs Officer who started shooting the immigration queue in Heathrow Airport?

I'm told he was borderline crazy

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Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones going through Heathrow Airport gets pulled aside by the Immigration officer...

"Mr Jagger, have you any illegal substances in your possession currently? Purple Hearts? Acid? Cannabis?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"You got here half an hour before the fucking plane!"

A 747 just landed at Heathrow Airport in London

A 747 just landed at Heathrow Airport in London. After the captain shutdown the engines you could still hear the whining.

A Lufthansa pilot...

...landed his AirBus A320 at London's Heathrow Airport. An operations manager saw him deplaning and asked him if he had any trouble landing the plane since it was a bit windy.

"Nein," the pilot answered, "I let Otto land the plane."

"Otto? Is that your co-pilot?"

"Nein, my co-p...

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A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.'

He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing t...

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Two pilots

A plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot,...

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