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Family Tree Jokes

Glossing Over a Criminal in the Family Tree

The Taylors were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had traveled to America as pilgrims on the Mayflower. They had included congressmen, successful entrepreneurs, famous sports figures and television stars. They decided to research and write a family history, something for their childr...

What do people from Alabama have instead of a family tree?

The circle of life!

I sent that ‘Ancestry’ site some information on my Family Tree.

They sent me back a pack of Seeds, and suggested that I just start Over..

Disappointed by my family tree

Turns out it is a cactus, there's a prick on every branch.

What do you call the study of an Alabaman’s family tree?

Incestry

what do you called a insomniac's family tree

Napkin

Why don’t people from Alabama have family trees?

Because it’s just one long branch.

Yoda's been tracing his family tree.

It's an evergreen.

What happens to your family tree when it’s made up of polyamorous Alabamans?

>!It looks like a chain link fence geting taller each generation.!<

Why are family trees not used in alabama

Because they end up being more like a family tumbleweed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend's surname is Weaver, he's traced his family tree back to ancient cloth merchants.

My surname is Dickinson. I've decided to leave it.

A kid from Alabama had to do a project on his family tree

He brought a ladder to school the next day

Just looked into my family tree and found out both great great grand parents are related...

It's not every day you get to learn about your incestors

I was researching the Jackson family tree.

I got back as far as the civil war and then I hit a stone wall.

Southern family trees are like palm trees...

No branches and the family members are fronds with benefits

Nicki Minaj researched her family tree and discovered she was part American Indian.

The tribe: Arapahoe.

Apparently Trump's family tree looks like a cactus

Everybody on it is a prick

I told my Kentucky raised girlfriend her family tree doesn't fork...

...it spoons.


She did not find it humorous

I’ve been doing some research into my family tree, and it turns out my Great Grandfather was a terrible dictator.

Apparently none of his secretaries understood a word he said.

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)

What website do southerns use to research their family tree?

Incestry.com

What was the greatest achievement of the Spanish royal family?

They managed to turn their family tree into a circle

If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors...

Then I feel really bad for the boys of the "Dickinson" family tree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"You don't know Jack Schitt!"

Jack is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt a...

You're so inbred...

That your family tree is one big trunk

Little bit of dark humor for you guys. _/(^_^)\_ What's the difference between apples and orphans?

There's actually 2 answers to this one.

1. Apples get picked.
2. Family tree.

Canada is a logging nation.

Maple trees, spruce tress, and indigenous family trees.

What makes certain plants scientifically related to each other?

The family tree.

You know, Dwayne Johnson was always a special kid...

In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.

Yo momma so fat..

She broke the branch in her family tree!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a bunch of laughs taffy’s on Saturday and thought I’d share

Q: Who was responsible for the lakes disarray

A: The loch mess monster

Q:Why did the girl have a tiny wooden infant

A: She wanted a whittle baby

Q: What type of data has a big bite

A: megabyte

Q: What can you catch but not throw

A: A cold

Q: Wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Greatest Insult To Hicks / West Virginians

You're so imbred your family tree looks like a Ferris Wheel!

Thought about this watching the Fallout 76 trailer, and then realizing that radiation isn't even needed to create mutants there.

You might be a redneck if...

1. You don't know the difference between your lawn and your driveway.
2. Watching Jerry Springer reminds you of your neighbors
3. Your family tree is a circle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I recently discovered there's a black man in my family tree...

he's still hanging there.

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