My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, ...

In my day, schooling was so severe.

If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.

Tough measures.

Yes a joke

I used to have a friend that wanted to be killed by a steam train,

Once it finally happened he was chuffed to bits

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An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I've got you a job" says his agent.

"That's great" says the actor, what is it?"

"Well" says his agent "it's a one-liner"

"That's okay" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything; What's the line?"

"'Hark I hear the cannons roar'" says the agent.

"I love it" says the actor "When...

After 5 years of marriage

After 5 years of marriage the wife finds £7,500 in cash and 4 eggs on top of the wardrobe.
Intrigued she asked the husband the meaning of it.

Husband: Well since we got married I've put one egg up there for every time you annoy me.

Chuffed that in all of 5 years the husband had coll...

My mate always said he wanted to be run over by a steam train when it was his time to die. He got his way...

I guess he was chuffed to bits.

Saw a really nice steam train today.

I was chuffed.

3 men go for an interview

3 men go to an interview for a sales job and the boss calls them all in and says “Whoever goes out and sells the most dictionaries can have the job”.


So the first guy goes out, sells a few dictionaries and comes back.


“How many did you manage to sell?”


With an upbea...

I finally finished the jigsaw puzzle

It took me 2 years but I was well chuffed seeing as the box said 6-10 years.

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