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5pm Jokes

"You have a reminder set for 5pm today," my phone said.

"A reminder? What is it?" I asked.

"It's a notification to ensure you don't forget something, but that's not important right now," the phone replied.

Then I remembered I'd left it in Airplane mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm holding a meetup for overthinkers. Saturday at 5pm.

Wait. Saturday might not be the best day. Tuesday is better. Actually, what if no one shows up? Fuck it, meeting is cancelled.

The stove repairman said it'll finish between 9am and 5pm

That's a large range

Went to the Salon at 5PM and asked for the Snyder Cut

Four hours later, it was Dark everywhere...

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

My wife told me she was coming home at 9pm but came back at 5pm and caught me with another girl

Should I forgive her for her lie ?

What is house arrest for grown-ups?

"Your package will be delivered tomorrow between 9AM and 5PM."

Just heard that there will be a round of applause for courier and delivery drivers tomorrow

It will be some time between 9am and 5pm.

I've started a time travellers club

The first meeting will be yesterday at 5pm

A blonde and a brunette watching the news.

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 6pm news. There was a story of a man on top of a building attempting to commit suicide. The brunette bet the blonde that the man was going to the jump, the blonde didn't think he would. After the commercial break, they saw that the man jumped. The brunette a...

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Government job!

Interview for handicapped people was going on.

Interviewer : so are you handicapped?

Candidate : yeah! I lost my balls in a bomb blast.

Interviewer : OK you are selected for 9am to 5pm job. Come at 11 am from Monday.

Candidate got confused and asked : why at 11 am? You sa...

3 Kids are arguing about who's dad is the fastest...

At lunch, the first boy says his dad is the faster because he is a brick layer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits...


Not bad says the 2nd boy, but my dad is faster.


He is a professional archer. ...

Tonight's 7PM evening service sermon is "What is hell?".

Come early at 5PM and listen to our choir practice.

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Interview for a government job on a seat for disabled people

Interviewer: Your resume is very impressive, though what is your handicap?

Guy: I lost my balls in a bomb blast.

Interviewer: Ok. You've been selected. Working hours will be from 9am to 5pm. Make sure you're here at 11am sharp everyday.

Puzzled, the guy asks: Why 11, when the w...

A man and his hippo walk into a bar

It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... a...

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A young salesman moves to the big city

He wants a job with the biggest department store. So he meets with the manager of the store and the manager asks him "so what makes you think you'd be so good at sales?"

"Because I am good at figuring out what people might want" said the young sales boy.

The manager decides to giv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True Story, conference speakers tale.

3 day conference wednesday to friday, 9-6pm, 60 speakers, several hundred in attendance. Our guy draws the 5pm friday slot.
Walks in 5 mins before as the crowd is emptying out from the previous talk. Starts setting up the computer, looks up, just one guy left sitting in the front, rest of the ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy starts his new job as a bartender...

Bar owner: 'Ok at 5pm factory workers from next door, who're all deaf/mute btw, fill this place up. It's simple tho. If they give you two thumbs up? They want whiskey. Two thumbs down? Beer. That's all you need to know.'

At 5 they come storming in with thumbs going up & down- whiskey bee...

A man with no arms is in need of a job...

He lacks experience in the service industry but his missing arms severely limit his ability to perform manual labour. Everyday he goes out looking for work and everyday he comes back dejected.

One morning—while flipping through the classifieds with his toes—he comes across the following ad,...

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