UPJOKE
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2020 Jokes

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...
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Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a fe...
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The 2020 election results are in!

Oh sorry, this is just for us Russians.
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Coronavirus ruining your plans for 2020? Save them for 2022!

Cause 2022 is 2020 too.
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Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because today they got into a fight, and 2021!

Happy new year y’all!
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 2020, it has been confirmed that the Earth is neither flat nor round.

It's fucked.

I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.

I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
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I used to get angry every time I see someone say “Trump 2020”.

If only I knew it was an expiration date.
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For 2020 my goal is to be less condescending to people.

Condescending means to talk down to someone.
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In 2017, i didn’t jog. In 2018 i didn’t jog. In 2019 i didn’t jog. In 2020 i didn’t jog.

This is a running joke
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According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat

So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.
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You know how people were joking about 2021 sounding like “2020 won”?

Well, next year is 2020 too.

Only when that year is over will it finally be 2020 free.
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#2020

In the year 2020 we're going to have a lot of bad puns about vision.

I can't wait to see them all.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump vs. Kanye 2020

Yeah. Fuck it, why not.

Ever since September 18 2020,

The American Supreme Court has been Ruthless.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Land O’Lakes got rid of the Native American on their package...

...But kept the land. Sounds oddly familiar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2020 Holiday Album

We're getting ahead of the curve and releasing this year's 2020 Holiday Album including such hits as:

1- Baby It's Covid Outside

2- Walking In A Pandemic Wonderland

3- Grandma Got Ran Over By A Protestor

4- Karen, Did You Know

5- Zoom Christmas

6- Frosty The...

If we make it past 2020, I'll be dreading 2022.

After all, 2022 is 2020, too!
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2020 Olympic high jump results

Gold - Mexico

Silver - Mexico

Bronze - Mexico
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I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don’t have 2020 vision

This is the only day you can upvote this
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The irony of 2020

Was that no one could have seen it coming.
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2020 in four words

...then things got worse.
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If 2020 was a math word problem:

**If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?**
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A black guy in a library asked me where the coloured printer was.

I replied, "Mate, it's 2020, you can use any printer you want."
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2020 Divided by 5 is 404, So the Whole Year is an Error.

And now we have a virus.
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It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones.

Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.
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2020

Directed by Trenton Quarentino.
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Right enough of these “2020 vision” jokes

I don’t want to make a spectacle of myself
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What does LGBTQ stand for in 2020

Lets get back to quarantine, obviously




Stay safe everyone
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all the people with 2020 vision.

What the **fuck**?! Why didn't you tell us?

2020 is nearly over.

So either it gets even harder and defeats us. Or we make it through to next year. Either way, 2021.
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Trump will be President until 2020

It would have been 20:15, but the sniper got stuck in traffic...
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Describe 2020 in two words

Twenty Twenty
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All this talk about hoping 2020 ends!

Even though its cursed, we can't let it defeat us. That would mean 2021.
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You guys thought 2020 was bad?

Just wait for the sequel, 2022.
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2020 can’t end.

Because we’d be admitting 2021.
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An alien lands today...Nov. 4, 2020

Alien: Take me to your leader

Me: Your going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.
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Trump 2020

Who knew it was an expiration date?
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Hindsight is 2020

I guess that's why last year was ass
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I met my girlfriend in 2020. She has pretty eyes.

I haven’t seen her mouth and nose yet, but her eyes are pretty.
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2020 has a new calendar out

January

February

Lockdown

December
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Whats 3/4ths of 2020?

Covid-19.
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I hope Joe Biden will run for president in 2020

Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time.....

I'm sorry
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2020 was a romantic year.

It took our breath away.
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2020 was rough...

But a special shout out to dogs who had to experience it seven times.
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2020 was like...

an alternate universe where we were all living in Florida.
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We caused 2020

Do you guys remember for the last few years that one post that was like "man can't wait for 2020 so I can say I have 2020 vision"

... this is how 2020 payed us back.
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***2020 CANCELLED***

After careful consideration, we have decided that it is no longer in the best interests of everyone involved to proceed with 2020.

While we recognize that a lot of hard work has gone into preparing for 2020, if we're honest it has just turned into a bit of a sh*tshow and we feel it best just ...
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What is Superman new weakness in 2020

Kryptokurrency
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You think 2020 is bad

Just wait till it turns 21 and starts drinking!
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Congratulations 2020 graduating class

Reigning senior skip day champions!
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Gambling in 2020

Is it common cold or corona virus?
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If 2020 were a bath bomb...

It would be a toaster.
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2020 presidential debate

Actually nvm jokes are supposed to be funny not sad
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February 29th, 2020

On February 29th of this year, something extraordinary happened.

I was walking across the road, head down, minding my own - when I heard it. This incessant, mechanical noise. Like spring-loaded footsteps. Real slow.

Far away, it came. Cascading against the city walls. A pneumatic sigh....
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What was the least trusted company in 2020?

Goodyear
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What's the most washed body part of 2020?

The brain...
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2020

The year getting your house TP'd raised it's value.
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If 2020 had a slogan...

2020: "You are not the control group"
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What’s the official bird of 2020?

The Corvid.
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The Trump Wall 2020 (original)

Since the USA is suffering from the COVID19 pandemic, the largest unemployment since the Great Depression and the country wide protesting, rioting and looting, The Mexican President calls Trump.
He says: OK, you win, the wall gets built, by us and we will pay for it! Just stay on your side.
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If 2020 were a drink, what would it be?

A colonoscopy prep.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis was in the 2020 Guinness Book of Records

But then the librarian saw me and told me to take it out.

It's true, hindsight really is 2020

I remember last year like it was yesterday.
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Who‘s gonna win the Euro 2020 finale?

Depends on how many lasers the crowd brings
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I thought 2020 would have a lot of jokes about vision

in hindsight with everything going on that was the last of their priorities
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I used to be worried about 2020, but now I'm worried about 2022

Because 2022 is 2020 too
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2020 is starting to feel like...

The game of thrones series finale we deserve
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If hindsight is 2020

Then that's proof that time travel exists.
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I like my men the way I like 2020:

Behind me
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I was 35 when 2020 started...

It's June and I'm 42.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2020’s just like diarrhea

The shit just keeps coming.

Will glass coffins become a trend in 2020?

Remains to be seen.
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WE are living in 2020

But north koreans are living in 1984
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Here’s a good 2020 joke.

A man walks into a bar.
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Fireworks have been really popular in 2020.

Sales have skyrocketed.
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2020 was a good year, I did virtually everything!

Sorry, I meant, I did everything virtually.
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Raccoons are the animal of 2020

They always wash their hands and wear a mask

Happy Easter 2020

Jesus called and said he isn't leaving the tomb until COVID 19 has passed.
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For sure, 2020 was an interesting year

After all, it went viral.
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Breaking up in 2020

"we need to practice social distancing"
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You know what's great about 2020?

No, I'm asking.
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What's 2020 in a nutshell?

The bank security kicking you out for NOT wearing a mask.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2020 one-ish liners

2020 so far:
-Welp, I guess somebody finally fracked their way through the wrong Native burial site.

-You think 7 years bad luck for breaking a mirror is bad? You should see what happens when you let polar ice caps melt.

-Nobody’s trying to keep the Jews as slaves again are they? ‘...

How do you change 2020?

Give it glasses.
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What has your favourite day of 2020 been?

Mine has been June 31st
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2020 started with a WTF

(Wednesday, Thursday, Friday)
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If 2020 was a math problem.

You are flying over the desert at 180 KPH, You are flying Due north with the wind coming from the west at 40 KPH. The current is flowing at 30 knots due east. How many 20 lb watermelons will fill a football field during the full moon?
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saturday’s Funnies, 26 September 2020.

Saturday’s Funnies, 26 September 2020.

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and ...

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Sex workers had the easiest job in 2020.

They already had a PP-PPE rule!

I did it! I followed my goal to save $20 from each paycheck in 2020.

I have $60.
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*cue Yakov Smirnoff voice*

In 1990s, you search internet. In 2020s, internet search you.
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