2013 Jokes - 24 Hilarious 2013 Jokes

I've just won the 2013 'Most secretive person' award.

I can't tell you how much it means to me.

Happy New Years 2013!

Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!

So I'm at a fancy restaurant with a date

The waiter asks if I want red wine or white wine with the meal. "I don't care; I'm color-blind." My date laughs. I guess she doesn't have any sympathy for the color-blind.

So the waiter brings over a bottle. The label says "2013." I tell the waiter I want some wine that isn't 10 years beyond ...

Did you know that in 2013 there was a Russian scientist named Povandolakoviviscov kintayionshinkov

Why did you skip the name? I will not complete the story.

In the year 2013, the Lord appeared unto Noah, who was now living in America, and said:

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I bring about unending rain for 4...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NEW OFFICE POLICY 2013 Dress Code

ALL EMPLOYEES

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manag...

2010: Didn't jog.

2011: Didn't jog.

2012: Didn't jog.

2013: Didn't jog.

2014: Didn't jog.

2015: Didn't jog.

2016: Didn't jog.

2017: Didn't jog.

2018: Didn't jog.

2019: Didn't jog.

2020: Didn't jog.

2021: Didn't jog.

2022: Still haven't jogge...

Since assuming the title in 2013, Pope Francis has visited more than 27 countries.

I guess he really is a roamin' Catholic.

What I say when I stop playing VR and I knock over a Blu-ray of a 2013 Sandra Bullock movie

back to reality whoop there goes gravity

Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news)

As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to "Whoa Dude."

Here's hoping 2013 is the year in which I finally fix the bugs in my new time machine.

-garyDelaney

My cat just passed...

RIP Fluffy McMittens

2002-2003 2003-2005 2005-2007 2007-2008 2008-2011 2011-2013 2013-2014 2014-2015 2015-2017

Me: “Dude, I can’t believe that 2017 was 7 years ago.”

Friend:”What do you mean, 7 years ago is like 2013..”

Me:”That’s why I ain’t believing it.”

Generous Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

Man: Hello?

Woman: Honey? Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.
Woman: I'm at the mall now an...

What's the capital of Zimbabwe? (from /r/TIL)

About $200.

By /u/ChuckFikkens in a [/r/todayilearned comment](http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/2r1fdv/til_in_2013_zimbabwes_national_public_account/cnbnv13)

I'm sorry

In 2013 Steven Hawking said God didn't exist

In 2018 God said Steven Hawking didn't exist

Tell me

"Tell me when you've come," I panted to my wife as I pumped away.

"2007 and twice in 2013." she said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Joke About A Ranch

An amatuer rancher has 3 chickens, 2 hens, 5 cows, 2 bulls, 4 sheep, and 6 buffalo.

One day, him and his ranch hand went to the market to get ranch supplies, but they left their back door wide open.

When they got back, they walked inside and found a huge mess.

The furniture was ...

My goal for 2017....

....is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

I actually give a shit if my computer crashes.

^RIP Paul Walker 2013. This is only a joke.

A man is planning his vacation,

As he does so, a friend swings by and offers to help:
-Hey man, may I suggest the Maldives? Had an amazing time there.
-I'm not taking any advice from you! Back in 98, you suggested Rome, I went there and my wife got pregnant, in 2007 you suggested Brazil, I went there and my wife got pregnant...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

/r/jokes, I need your help to win a woman, please! (sorry this isn't a joke post)

I am going on a first date with a girl whom I ***really*** like and she loves humor and to laugh, and I NEED TO KNOW some serious gut buster jokes. I don't care if they're dirty or sexual or furthermore offensive in nature. Please, just lay your best stuff on me in the comments.

Not looking ...

A variation on an old joke

In the future of the internet, when we have 3D virtual reality forums:

Steve and Jor-El walk into r/jokes. All is quiet, apart from the occasional person shouting out a seemingly random date, followed by collective laughter.

>July 29th, 2012!

*Laughter ensues*

>Nove...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.