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White Man Jokes

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A black man and a white man walk into a bakery

The black man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the white, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The white man says to the black man, "That's typical of you black people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

...

Typical White Man

An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy from a bar and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief.

The chief says to the cowboy, "You going die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. At sundown third day, you die. What first wish?"

The cowboy says, "...

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A white man was on holiday in Jamaica

The man had recently gotten a tattoo on his penis. When it stretched out, it would spell «Anne», but it only said «Ae» when flaccid.

One day after he and his wife were done at the beach, he went to the public showers and saw a Jamaican with the letters «Wy» on his schlong.

«Does it sp...

You know what’s scary about a white man in prison?

You know he actually committed the crime.

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A white man, a black man and an orange man walk into the bar.

The white man goes up to the bar to order a whiskey. The barman goes, "Hey, aren't you George Bush?"
"Yes, I am" he replies. "Well Mr. President it's an honor."
Then the black man goes up to the bar to get his drink. "Hey, aren't you Barack Obama?" asks the barman. "Yes I am", Obama responds....

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A black man asks a white man where the colored printer is.

The white man smiles and says, "My friend, in this day and age, you can use any printer."

why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?

because you know he's guilty.

A white man visits a rural tribe in Africa

A white man wants to take the trip of a lifetime, and decides on a trip to Africa. He is in a go nowhere job, with no friends or family, and is feeling down. He quits his job and decides to travel to a remote area, far from civilization. He does not like the touristy vibe that some places give off, ...

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Three homeless men (a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man) see a dead dog in the middle of the road

The white man says” Let’s all put in $10 and see who lays down beside the dog the longest and the winner gets the money”. The men agree and put $10 in each. The white man went first and laid down next to the dog.5 minutes pass. Then 10. Then 15. He finally gets up and says “ I can’t do this anymore”...

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I punched a white man in the face and was arrested for assault..

The next day when I got out, I punched a black man in the face and was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English."

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A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.

He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.

He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
...

Missionary in the jungle

A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:

"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"

The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
<...

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"Hey! I heard China just legalized same-sex marriage!", says a white man to a Chinese national.

"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national.

"But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!"

"No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

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A white man goes to his Doctor and asks how he can make his penis as large as a black man's penis.

His Doctor tells him to take a 1lb weight and tie a string to it and attach that to the head of his penis. A proven method of stretching the Doc assures him and tells him to report back in a week's time.

Man visits his Doc a week later and the Doc says let us have a look. Guy drops his trou...

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A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white m...

How do you know Adam was a white man?

You ever try to take a rib from a brotha?

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a white man with no girlfriend?

Alien vs Redditor

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White man and black man in an elevator

A skinny white man gets in an elevator next to a big black man. The black guy notices the white man looking at him and he says to the white guy "7 foot tall, 350lbs, 15 inch penis, two huge balls, Turner Brown."
Suddenly the white guys passes out and falls on the floor. The black man starts to sh...

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A White Man, A Black Man and A Jewish Man...

...were out joyriding in a car they had stolen. They ran a red light and got slammed into by a semi. All three died. They found themselves standing before Satan, scared shitless. The Devil says, "Fellas, it's my birthday and I'm feeling generous so I'll offer you a deal. Each of you give me $10...

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A white man tells a black man

Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know


When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black....

Sure, as a white man I can't say the n word...

But I can say things like, "thanks for the warning officer" and "hey dad".

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An Asian man is talking to a white man.

The Asian man says, "I don't understand your elections"

The white man says, "My fetish is my business, piss off"

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One white man, one black woman, one Asian guy. No, make that one Jewish guy, one Indian guy, and a white man

said the cannibal at the drive-thru.

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A black man and a white man are arguing about whether God is black or white

They decided to climb to the top of the tallest mountain and call out to God with the hopes of getting a response.

"God! Are you white or black?"

"I am who I am!" comes a booming response.

"See," says the white guy. "He is white!"

"Why would you assume that?!" asks the bl...

Why should you be scared of a white man in prison?

Because you know he is actually guilty.


Credit to /u/Ser_Rodrick_Cassel for the joke!

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So, a very muscular white man seems like he's drinking too much..

He's a regular at this bar, so the bartender, Jerry, knows him well. The man keeps pounding back shots, one after another.

"Come on Jerry, another one and I can run around the block."

Jerry pours another, and the man throws it back

"Man, just one more and I can run a whole mara...

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A white man and a black man are using the showers at a local gym...

The white guy says to the black guy “hey I wish my dick looked like that. What’s your secret?” The black guy decides he’s gonna take this opportunity to mess with him and says “all you gotta do is tie a rock to it and hang it off the side of your bed at night”. The white guy thanks him and goes home...

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A white man, a black man, and an asian man walk into a bar

A white man, a black man, and an asian walk into a bar, all with a parrot on their shoulder. The white man looks at the asian man, nods at the parrot and says “where’d you get yours?” The man says “it was my grandmothers, when she passed away nobody else wanted to take care of it so I took it. What ...

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A white man sits down at the bar...

He overheard a blonde and redhead talking.
The blonde says to the redhead, "What kind of guys do you have the best sex with?" The redhead says "Native Americans. Their penises aren't the longest, but they're so wide and just hits all the right spots."
The man smiles and orders them a couple ...

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A Black man and a White man are arguing about what colour God is

The 2 men were arguing this for quite some time, each say God is their respective skin colour when a priest walks by. The white man asks the priest whether God is black or white. The priest responds with “why don’t you ask God yourself. So the Black man proceeds to yell out “God are you black or are...

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The White Man, the Black Man and the Jew are summoned in front God

"It is time to chose your noses for your particular races", said God.

"White man, how would you like your nose to look like?"

"Where we live it's quite cold so I would like to have a long nose so that the air could be warmed up a bit when we breath in."

"Black man, how would you...

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A white man comes across a Native American lying with his ear pressed against the ground between a pair of tire tracks.

“What’s going on?” the white man asks.

“White Chevy Tahoe. Four door. License plate XPV 14785. Has a Coexist bumper sticker,” replies the Native American.

“Wow, you can tell all that from just listening to the ground?”

“No, you idiot! That’s what the asshole who hit me was drivi...

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White man wants to become an Eskimo..

He comes to Alaska and finds an Inupiaq village, he approaches the elder and asks "Elder, How do I become an Eskimo?" Elder thinks for a moment, "First you need to find a polar bear and kill it, then you find an eskimo woman and mate with her.." The white man left and noone saw him for 6 months unti...

What do you call a white man with a big d*ck?

Michael Jackson

The Native Americans used to trust the white man,

now they have their reservations.

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A White Man Stands Next to a Black Man at a Urinal...

the white man glances over and looks at the black man's penis, and notices the letters "WY" tattoo'd on the shaft. He realizes that he has the same tattoo on his shlong and begins to speak to the black man. "Hey, I noticed you have the same tattoo as me on your penis! Mine stands for my wife's name ...

what's it called when a white man performs better then usain bolt?

whitening bolt.

The Indian chief goes to the white man doctor and asks "Too many papoose! What do?"

The doc gives him a condom, and explains the principles.

A couple of months later, the chief comes back, saying "No good! Right nut go urggh! Left nut go urrgh! Rubber go boom!"

So the doc cuts a few custom "rubbers" out of the fingers of a heavy duty latex glove, saying "Try these...

What do you call an old white man who thinks outside the box?

A stale cracker

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A black man, a mexican, and a white man find a magic lamp

Naturally, a genie comes out.

The genie gives each of them one wish, starting with the black man. He tells the genie "Genie, my people all miss Africa and would like to go back and see it one time. I wish all my people in America were back in Africa." And then the genie sent all the blacks to...

Did you hear about the white man who thought he was black?

Turns out, it was just a pigment of his imagination...

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A white man walks into a public restroom

He starts peeing in the urinal when a 7 foot tall, absolutely ripped black man walks in and starts peeing in the urinal next to him. Getting a little curious, the white man looks over and notices the black man has a tattoo on his dick that says 'Wendy'. The white man asks, "Why do you have 'Wendy' t...

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A white man is at a urinal..

He is urinating beside this big muscly 6'4 black man and cant help but look down. To his amazement he witnesses a monster cock and cant help but ask the black man how that was possible. "Im sorry but how is it that big?!" He said in awe. The black man replied "when i was young i used to tie weights ...

What do you call one white man surrounded by 200 blacks and Mexicans?

The Warden

Oh sure, when a white man has HIV; people say he has AIDS. But when a black guy has it...

He has Kool Aids

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Why did the White Man go to the Moon?

He wanted more land.

-Heard this from a native friend of mine. I laughed my ass off.

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So a white man is taking a leak in a bar bathroom..

when a black man walks up to the urinal beside him and drops his trousers. Curious, the white man peaks down towards the black mans waist and exclaims "Holy hell! That's the biggest pecker I've ever seen! How do I get one like that?".
The black man chuckles and thinks for a moment and says: "Well...

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe...

...and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science, mathematics, and formatting Reddit comments so they get the most upvotes. One day, the Chief's wife gives birth to... a white child!

The word spreads, and the entire tribe is in shock. The chief pulls the professo...

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