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Tiger Woods Jokes

Stevie Wonder rings Tiger Woods and says

"how do you fancy a round of golf"

Tiger says "I didn't think you would be able to play Stevie"

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.
...

elon musk, tiger woods, the pope and a college student are on an airplane …

the plane is going down, the pilots bailed, it’s going to crash.
there’s 4 of them and only 3 parachutes …
tiger woods says “i’m the best golfer in the world, i think i should get a parachute.”
everyone agrees, tiger woods takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane.
elon musk says “i...

What ruined Tiger Woods’ golf career?

His driving game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to her husband Johnny:

"I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." 


Johnny replies. "That's no big thing in this day and age." 


The wife continues. "Yeah, I've been with one other guy." 


"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" 


"Tiger Woods." 


"Tiger Woods, the golfer?" 
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger woods

Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of Ireland. Paddy who knows nothing about golf, says “Top o the morning to ya sir!” Tiger nods and bends to pick up the fuel nozzle. As he does so, 2 tees fall out of his shirt pocket. “What are those?” Asks Paddy. “They’re called t...

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops after three Hoes

Bought the book: Tiger Woods best 18 holes.

I was incredibly disappointed when I found out it was about golf.

What is Tiger Woods’ spirit animal?

Idk, but his wife said he was a Cheetah

Poor Tiger Woods...

One bad drive and he is stuck in the rough.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and a NASCAR driver?

Tiger Woods plays golf for a living, but enjoys smashing up his car on his days off.

I heard Tiger Woods has been hitting the gym lately

Been crushing legs

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.

Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods goes to Japan

Tiger Woods goes to Japan for a golf tournament. The night before, he hires a prostitute. As they are having sex, the prostitute is shouting, "!Machigatta ana" Tiger doesn't know any Japanese, but he figures she is saying she is satisfied.

The next day at the tournament, on the 18th hole, Tig...

Tiger Woods wanted to play at The Masters.....

But everyone knew he’d have trouble getting past the turn.

Tiger Woods won't be able to play the Masters this year.

Having difficulties with his driving.


Too soon?

Tiger Woods issues statement to Reddit regarding tasteless comments about his emergency knee surgery in r/Jokes.

"I won't stand for this"

Tiger woods

I just got married and as I was laying in bed about to make love to my new wife she said to me,”honey I have to tell you I have made love before tonight.”
I said,”who was this with?”
She said,” with Tiger Woods.”
I said, “ohhhhkkkk then.” I can accept that.
Despite this profound news I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods on a golf tour in Ireland

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the morni...

Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are in a bar.

Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I ...

Moses snd Jesus are playing golf

They come to a 210 yard par three that only a lake between tee and green. Jesus turns to Moses and asks what club would tiger woods use on this hole? Moses says Lord tiger would use a 4 iron but you should use a 3 wood. Jesus pulls a 4 iron and sure enough he ball lands in the water. Moses says I’ll...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton are playing at a charity golf tournament.

Bill sees Tiger at the urinals and peeks down to see that Tiger is very well endowed.


"Tiger, what is your secret?" Bill asks.

Tiger responds: "It's really simple. Every night before I get in bed I whack my dick against my bedpost 3 times. It's been working for me for years!"
...

Tiger Woods has really picked up his game

He used to only flip his golf club

Must be strange being Tiger Woods;

Getting to hear, "Morning, Woods!" all the time!

What did Tiger Woods get for Christmas?

Half of everything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Tiger Woods have the best swing?

He heard that swinging meant he could have sex with whomever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is as annoying as playing a round of golf with tiger woods

No one wants to play with someone who shoots it in the hole first stroke every time!

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and an amateur golfer?

Only one of them gets convicted for reckless driving

How did Tiger Woods manage to burn down his house?

Coz he got rid of all his hose.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tigers got a much better driver

Why did Tiger Woods bring three socks instead of two?

In case he got a hole in one.

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods’s golf ball and his SUV?

He can drive his golf ball 300 yards without hitting a tree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods and a preacher play golf.

Tiger Woods and a local preacher get paired off at a charity golf tournament. On the fourth hole, Tiger misses an easy, 6 foot putt, and shouts "God dammit!" The preacher turns to him and says, "Tiger, you've already angered God. If you blaspheme any more, God will smite you where you stand." 3 ...

Tiger woods got in an accident the same reason he lost his last tournament

Because of his terrible driving

If Tiger Wood and Princess Diana played a round of golf who would win?

Tiger Woods! because he has a better driver!


I'll be in hell if you need me.

Just got scammed out of $15.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

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What does Tiger Woods call sex on the first date

A hole in one

Tiger Woods...

...just had the worst 9 holes in his life, well second worst if you consider the 9 holes that lost him his marriage but still...

Did you hear about the guy who broke into Tiger Woods' house?

Took a lot of balls.

Why did Tiger Woods cheat on his wife?

He's used to playing 18 holes.

The Comical Conservative

President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
<...

Stevie Wonder has a bet with Tiger Woods on a game of golf, Stevie says I will beat you, so they agree to have a $500,000 bet on it, Stevie says you name the venue and I will name the time, Tiger says OK St Augustus, so what time we playing? Stevie replied.

Midnight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hear that Tiger Woods carries two sex dolls with him on a golf course...

...just in case he gets a hole in one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods Goes Golfing With a Black Bear

One morning, Tiger Woods goes to his usual golf course to play a morning round of 18 and notices a black bear approaching him from the woods off the first tee. Alarmed, Tiger starts to retreat when the bear casually asks Tiger what he's doing. Having never spoken to a black bear before, Tiger was ...

Why did Tiger Woods stop winning golf tournaments?

Because he stopped cheating

When interviewing the police officers involved in Tiger Woods' arrest, they told how they came to suspect he was under the influence.

"Simple" The officer responded. "It was the straightest drive he's had in years. We knew right away something was up."

Went golfing yesterday...

My game is terrible. I’ll never be able to beat Tiger Woods...

But I can out-drive him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Tiger Woods' dad tell him on his death bed?

"Just concentrate on golf and fuck everything else"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son wanted me to buy him GTA

When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"

He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf

I was just scammed out of 25 dollars.

I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!

A lion would never cheat on a lioness

But a Tiger Woods

So Jesus and Moses go to play golf...

...and its the very first tee off. Jesus says to Moses, "Hey, I think I can make this first shot in one, right over the lake."

"Only Tiger Woods could make that shot." says Moses. So Jesus tries anyway, and his golf ball lands him right in the lake. So Moses parts the water, gives Jesus back...

Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn had a huge argument over whether to circumcise their son

Lindsey went downhill from there, but Tiger made the cut.

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