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Pair Of Glass Jokes

Whats the difference between a pair of glasses and a chickpea?

I've never had a pair of glasses on my face.

Oh hey girl, what's the difference between you and a pair of glasses?

Glasses seem to fit a bit higher on my face

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My girlfriend accidentally shoved a pair of glasses up my ass...

Now my hindsight is 20/20

When I was baptised, the priest wore a fake nose, moustache and pair of glasses.

It was a blessing in disguise.

To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

Did you hear about the two men who fought over a pair of glasses?

It was quite the spectacle.

I just bought a pair of glasses from Zenni Optical.

20/20 would buy again.

A guy walks into an optician

A guy walks into an optician and says: I think I need a new pair of glasses.

“I think so too sir. You’re in a bakery.”

Optician.

A man goes to the opticians to get a new pair of glasses, the optician checks his records and finds that the man only had new glasses less than six months before. so he says to the man, "How did you break them, if it was in an accident, we might be able to replace them free."

the man says, "I...

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So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have...

An old snake is feeling his age.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
...

Reading The Writing On The Wall...

I used to spend long hours working on my "rubbing-up-against-strangers-in-public" technique...

...until I got my *new* pair of glasses and re-read that motivational poster on the break-room wall.

So, my bad... it turns out it does *not* say : "Practice Makes Pervert"

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A blonde woman is at the store one day when she sees a sign that says, "X-RAY GLASSES FOR FIFTY DOLLARS".

Thinking it sounds interesting, she grabs a pair of glasses from the shelf and puts it on. Immediately, everyone around her appears to be completely in the nude. When she takes the glasses off, everyone's clothes come back.

Excitedly, the woman parts with fifty big ones and proudly wears her ...

A man with vision problems...

A man and his family have had a long history of problems with their eyesight, most remedied by prescription glasses. He's in his forties now when he starts to lose the overall quality of his vision and starts going to various doctors.

He gets prescribed a pair of prescription glasses and to n...

We sell everything - longish

A man is walking down the street and he comes up to a store with a sign in the window that says "We sell everything!"

The man walks inside and approaches the customer service desk.

"How can I help you?" The woman behind the counter asks?

"You can't sell everything. It's impossib...

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A guy went to the hairdressers...

and sat down in the chair.

The hairdresser, a very attractive woman, places the cloak over him and gets to work. After a few minutes she notices that the cloak is moving up and down around the area of his crotch. Disgusted she whips the cloak off him

"How dare you do that in my salon!"...

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2 Irishman apply for a job...

2 Irishman apply for a job on a building site, the foreman calls the first one into his office for an interview and straight away, the Irishman notices he looks rather funny.

The foreman does not have ears where they are supposed to be, instead, protruding from his forehead is a gigantic ear,...

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