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Hors Jokes

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How about instead of law and order there’s a show called law and hors d’oeuvres

and Ice-T says “we found deviled eggs and jalapeno poppers in the victim’s anal cavity”

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My wife arranged some hors d'oeuvres on her vagina

She was trying to make it look like a duck, but I thought it looked more like a platter puss.

What do you call someone that prepares hors d'oeuvres?

An app developer

It's incredible how many French words are now used in the English language

There's 'Hors D'oeuvres' for starters.

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

A guy goes to a crowded party and wants to get a drink from the hors d'oeuvres table.

Surprisingly, there is no punch line.

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What do you call having a prostitute before dinner?

A hors d’oeuvre.

Where do horses go when they get sick?

To the *hors*pital!



Just kidding, they get shot.

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Newlywed husband wants to go to bar

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .

... ...

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wi...

A stutterer called an emergency.

Dialog ensues:

Hi emergency here what's your emergency.
Hi-i-i I found a d-d-dead horse at the r-r-r-road. I do-don't want there t-t-to be ac-accidedents.
Can s-s-someone tak-ke it away?
Ok sir what is your location.
At spr-spr-spr-spri-spring...Springside Circle?N-n-No no...

Why did the ex-military chef fire his waitstaff?

They weren’t good at taking hors d'oeuvres.

What does the President call his favorite snacks?

Executive hors d’oeuvres

Medical Checkup

GP: You have too much sugar in your diet. I recommend swapping desserts for appetisers. They’re much better for you nutritionally.

Patient: Ugh do I have to?

GP: Doctor’s hors d’oeurves.

There should be a show where cops sit around a restaurant table order appetizers and tell cop stories.

The could call it "Law and hors d'oeuvres"

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Few scientists were wondering on how well humans cope with hopeless stress

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

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A man and his wife decide to host a dinner party at their oceanfront home...

…the wife needs some hors d'oeuvres to serve to their guests, so asks the man to go down to the beach to collect some snails. The man grabs a bucket and goes down to fill his bucket with snails.

He has had a very long day, and is actually quite tired, so (against his better judgment) decides...

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