UPJOKE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse walks into a bar...

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City."

A horse walks into a bar...

and orders a beer.

As the bartender serves him, he looks at the horse and says "hey, why the long face, pal? Are you depressed?"

The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" - and promptly disappears.

See, this is a joke about Rene Descartes'...

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar.

"Hey" says the bartender.

"How did you know my order?" replies the horse.

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and does a sommersault, a cartwheel and finally backflips onto a barstool.
The bartender asks him: "Wow! How did you do that?" The horse answers: "Well, I've worked in the circus for all my life, so that's how." The barman nods approvingly and gives the horse a free drink...

A horse walks into a bar..

The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse says, "My boss just fired me, my kids won't talk to me and my wife just filed for divorce. Got anything to help with that?"

The bartender looks him up and down, and says "Neigh."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse walks into a bar...

...and orders a beer. The bartender is in shock, an actual horse just walked into his bar, sat down at the bar like a person, and ordered a beer in perfect English. He tells the horse,

"I'm sorry sir, I just have to go speak to my manager for a moment."

So the bartender goes to the ba...

A horse walks into a bar.

"Why the long face?" the bartender asks...


"Haha," the horse replies, sarcastically, "Haven't heard that one before."


"Just got the news," the horse continues, "I've been accepted into college."


Bartender says, "That's great news! You should be celebrating."
<...

A horse walks into a bar…

The bartender says, "Why the long f--" when suddenly the horse cuts him off.

"I've heard that a million times. 'Why the long face, haha!' I hear that everywhere I go."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," says the bartender. "Other than that, how's your life?"

The horse responds with, ...

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"

The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"

"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse

"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk...

A recovering alcoholic swedish horse walks into a bar.

The bar tender asks, "Can I get you a drink?"

The horse says, "Nej."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A White Horse Walks Into a Bar

A white horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a cocktail named after you!". "What?", says the horse, "Steve?".

\-heard from Alan Davies on Q.I.

A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...

But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before...

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The bartender is surprised, but he says:

\- Sure, it's 12€.
The horse pays and starts drinking. The bartender looks in amazement at the horse and says:
\- You know, I don't see many talking horses in my bar.
The horse finishes his drink and replies:
\- Not surprised, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse walks into a bar and asks for a Coke

A horse walks into a bar and asks for a Coke.

The bartender is very surprised yet he picks a Coke from the fridge and puts it on the counter.

Horse: “Thanks. How much?”

Bartender: “T... ten... d... dollars”

The horse gets his wallet from the saddle and pays 10$.

Ba...

A horse walks into a bar...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic, to which the horse replies, "I don't think I am." POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when any philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical pro...

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse, a bit taken aback, replies, "I've just lost my best friend, a cowboy who took care of me and rode me for years. He died in a tragic accident on the ranch."

Feeling bad for the horse, the bartender offers ...

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