I was driving my son to pre-school and he was having fun making dinosaur sounds.

"ROAR!" he yelled.

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked.

"T Rex!"

Then he said, "HONK!"

"What dinosaur is that?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Triceratops," he said.

"Why does a Triceratops honk?"

And he said, "Because it has horns!"

A snail saw a slug looking sad whilst watching a couple of beetles scurrying about having fun.

"What's up mate, life in the slow lane getting you down?", asked the snail.

The slug just looked at him and replied, "No. Surely it's obvious why I'm so down? I've had my home repossessed!"

Time files when you're having fun

Meanwhile one frog to another, "Times fun when you're having flies"

People say "Time flies when you're having fun."

Nobody's had any fun this year, and it's already October.

A couple months ago, my girlfriend and I started experimenting with bondage. I was quite into it, but I could see she wasn't having fun herself. But we kept at it and now I think she's really starting to enjoy it.

She was bound to like it eventually

I was in the sea having fun and saw a woman just standing there wearing a surgical mask...

Looked a bit strange but I guess she was waiting for the second wave.

I'm trying to convince my wife to upgrade our yard so I wanted to show her on my chromecast people having fun on terraces so I yelled "Hey google, show me a movie of a wife enjoying a big deck with her friends" but I think google misheard me.

I just made it up after a couple of glasses

All of the states in the continental US got together for a party. The only rule was that each state could only hang out with the states it borders. Everybody was having fun except for one state who said

"Is everyone else stuck talking to only one state, or is it just ME?"

A man and woman were having fun in bedroom

But suddenly the husband comes home.


"Oh god no, my husband's home. Quickly take your stuff and get out."


And the woman exits from the backdoor.

Having fun isn't hard when you have a library card...

You need something to line up the coke, after all.

2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.

Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"

Man 2: "Yup."

Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."

Man 2: "Cool."

Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"

Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."

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Johnny and Sally are having fun climbing a tree, when all of a sudden a bee starts buzzing around her...

"Oh no! Johnny!" says Sally. "That bee went up my skirt!"

Johnny starts booting her on the ass, trying to hit the bee.

"Oh no, Johnny! Now the bee has gone into my underwear!"

Johnny starts smacking her on the bottom, trying to squish the bee.

"Oh no, Johnny! Now the bee...

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Retirees Having Fun

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, my wife and I went
into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing
out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on, man, how
ab...

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Why is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead.

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Two parents want to have sex

Their 7 years old son was in the room, so they tell him to go on the balcony to play with his toys

After the boy leaves they start having fun, after about 10 minutes the husband says:

-We should talk to him while he's on the balcony, i don't want him to feel alone

-Yeah, you're ...

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Cheating on husband

A lady cheats on her husband , her husband always comes late and drunk , so she was having fun with the man in the bed , but this time her husband comes back a little bit early .

So she tell the man “ go stand between those two statues , he won’t notice he is drunk so don’t worry “

S...

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

Not your typical response

Some guy was having fun with another woman in her house. He finished up and as he was ready to leave, he realizes he smells like her perfume. So he had a great idea. He went to a local bar, drank a few good ones and went home.

His wife smelled him and said:
"Do you think I'm stupid, huh...

A girl invites her best friend to her Birthday party

At her birthday party while everyone else is away and having fun her best friend eats her whole cake. They catch her and of course the birthday girl is upset, but she manages to calm down and act like everything is fine, deciding to get her revenge another time.

Then several months later it's...

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Ye...

George Washington and Alexander Hamilton go to the bar with their troops after a day of battle.

The troops are having fun and telling stories to each other. The generals are planning new strategies to continue their victorious ways. Washington and Hamilton order a few drinks and are discussing how to continue to fund the war against the British.

The night progresses on and the troops ar...

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Never look at your wife's face while having sex

I did once and she seemed so angry. I could tell the other woman was having fun though.

An Engineer goes to Hell.

The first thing he notices is, it's awful hot. So he goes and checks the A/C system, and notices a missing belt. He replaces it, and soon it's a cool 78F.

The next thing he notices, is that all the TVs are showing nothing but static. He checks the satellite dish, and sees it's misaligned. He...

1 out of 5 people suffer from loneliness

So, if you look around and you don’t see the other 4 people, they’re out having fun without you.

Dave and his girlfriend are at a party on a hot day.

It’s a good party, everyone is having fun. And eventually the catering comes in, and everyone starts lining up to get their food and drinks. Dave’s girlfriend is feeling a bit tired, so Dave offers to go up and get her a drink. She happily thanks him and asks for some lemonade just to quench her thi...

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2 whales

2 whales Tom and Betty are swimming around the ocean enjoying there day having fun. Tom sees a whaling ship in the distance and says to Betty “ hey look it’s one of those whaling ships, I have an idea.” Betty says “oh yea and what is that.” Tom says “let’s go swim under that ship and we will blow as...

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Why?

My maths textbook had a picture of someone having fun on the front.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

A priest told me this joke as a kid.

There were 3 men, they were best friends, and they were quite unhealthy. Their names were, Bert, Chester, and Earl.

They were actually really unhealthy and Bert decided that he needed to take charge of him and his friends' health. He decided that they were going to be on a diet together to he...

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

What can I say about my trip to Egypt...

-I thought I was having fun, but I was in denile the whole time.

Pete is walking down the harbour and sees 2 fishermen. He always wanted to have a go at fishing so he goes up to them to ask.

Pete has a stutter though so he goes " h-he-hello guys would y-you you mind if i come f-f-fi-fishing with you?"
They look at eachother and decide that "yes you can come, but be quiet, we don't want you to scare away the fish". So pete all happy gets in the boat and they go out into the sea.
A...

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A guy goes to the bar with his friends on his 21st birthday

As the fun night is going smoothly, an older man comes right up to him and loudly says “I fucked your mom last night.” Annoyed, the birthday guy tries to ignore him and continue having fun.

A few minutes later the older guy comes back and says “yeah your mom likes it rough!” Again annoyed ...

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A llama was grazing in a field one day... (long)

... when another llama came over.

"Hello," said the first llama.

"Whatcha doing?" asked the second llama.

"Oh, you know, eating some grass. Care to join me?" replied the first llama.

"Oh, thank you," said the second. So now there were two llamas eating. Along came a third...

Guy takes his girlfriend to the prom...

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom. And he's got a lot of work to do.

First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there's a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally he gets out of there and realizes he has to go buy a corsage, so he goes to a flo...

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So my female hot boss came to me..

She said: All you do is work. Dont you like having fun? I replied "Thats why you pay me". She stared at me disappointed. Then she replied: "i have something else in mind. Why dont you come over my house later for dinner? I was shocked. After all im a married man and my wife is a really jealous woman...

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I was with a woman the other night, she told me she was very tight down there..

So we're going at it, and she asks me to put a finger in her. I proceeded with not problem.

Things were getting hotter and wetter...so she asked me to insert another finger. I complied.

It was obvious she was having fun, but after a few minutes, she asked me to add a third one. Guess w...

Its the homecoming dance, and so far the gym is split between boys and girls.

Several minutes pass until the boys start talking to the girls and asking them to dance. One after another the girls get asked to. All but one remains. Nobody has asked her out due to her fake wooden eye that she has.

Then suddenly, one boy realizes her sitting alone and wishes she was havin...

A man dies and goes to hell. a devil meets him at the gate and tells him to look around and find a place where he will stay for the eternity.

So the guy looks around and notices people in pain, suffering, flames, screams, tears everywhere. He can't find a place for himself so he keeps walking, looking, searching. At one point he looks down and sees a bit of sand...

"Sand, in hell? Weird" he thinks, lifts his eyes up and sees more s...

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The lion is having a party

and invites all animals, but the frog.
The frog, wanting to join the party badly, asks several animals if they could smuggle him to the party. After a dozen denials he goes to the silly bear, who agrees to put the frog in his chest pocket.

The day of the party comes and everybody is havin...

So a man goes to buy things for his gf when they go to prom.

He goes to buy her some flowers, and there is a long line. He waits for a while before he can finally get them.

He then goes to buy her some chocolates, and again there is a very long line. He reluctantly waits, so he can get them for her.

Finally, he goes to the suit store to pick out...

Me and my girlfriend had a party to go to last night..

My girlfriend and I had a party to go to last night, so we thought we'd nip to the shops to get some food to cook up and line our stomachs with.

So we got to the supermarket, collected all of our ingredients and what not, but then when we approached the checkouts there was a massive line, an...

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