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Emma Watson Jokes

Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson

On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.

What does Emma Watson put on her sandwiches?

Her mionnnaise

I'll see myself out!

Did you hear what Emma Watson's new pronouns are?

(Her, My & He)

Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang"

I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

Son: Dad, that’s Emma Watson

Dad: Emma, what son
Son: yeah, that’s what I said

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is shipwrecked with Emma Watson

Eventually they become rather intimate. Repeatedly.

After six months, Emma says, “I am so grateful for everything you’ve done, I want to make you happy. Whatever you want to do, let’s do it. No judgements. No boundaries.”

The guy thinks about it for a minute and replies, “Here. Take t...

What did Emma Watson say when she fell over?

Ouch, I hur-my-nee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emma Watson decided to quit acting to become a professional gambler. She entered her first craps tournament full of optimism.

At the start of the first round, Emma started undressing. "Why are you undressing?" asked one of her opponents. "I like to play craps completely in the nude," replied Emma.

As soon as Emma had removed the last shred of clothing, she made her bet. Then the dice were rolled. Emma watched as the...

Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch!

Hermione: Emma Watson?

Why can't Emma Watson ever play Hermione Granger again?

'Cos once you go black, you never go back.

It makes sense why Emma Watson is in both Beauty and the Beast and Harry Potter

Both of the main characters are harry

A mosquito was flying around an Oscars party.



First it bothered Emma Watson, then it landed on Natalie Portman. It then flew over to pester Jessica Alba and finally Gal Gadot before it was caught by security. During its interrogation, it confessed "I can't help it. I'm a sucker for a pretty face."

Everyone always told me to chase my dreams

Now Emma Watson has a restraining order against me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Nsfw] My wife caught me masturbating while watching Harry potter

"What the fuck are you doing?!" she screamed.

I said, "What. Emma watson is 18 now!"

She said, "Yeah, but you're watching the first movie!"

You know how in some marriages they had a list of people they can sleep with and it wouldn’t be cheating?

I put the usual people, ya know, Scarlett Johansson, Emma Watson, the like.

My wife put all my brothers and cousins. We live in the same neighborhood.

George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump were on their way to a conference when they got into a car crash. All three were killed.

The three found themselves standing in an inferno. "This must be hell," they thought.

The devil collected Bush first. He led Bush to a door and opened it. On the other side of the door was the ugliest woman Bush had ever seen. He had seen many ugly women in his life, but none as squalid as he...

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