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Davi Jokes

Incredible Story of Dr. Davis and an Elephant

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Victoria University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected...

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A student goes to the principal

A student visits the principal's office. The principal asks:
"What is your name, son?"
The student replies:
"D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."
Then the principal asks:
"Oh, do you have a stutter?"
Student answers:
"No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an...

I was shocked to learn my fathers entire portfolio was invested in Rita Hayworth, Bette Davis, Hedy Lamarr, Mae West and Lauren Bacall...

He tells me it's a broad index fund.

Do you know what Miles Davis is called in Europe?

1.60934 Kilometers Davis



joke courtesy of Stephen Wright

Why did it take John Rhys-Davies so long to get married?

Bad dates.

When Jefferson Davis was in school, his teacher told him

"You're great at division"

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Three people arrive at the gates of Heaven

St Peter is processing them in. "Name and occupation, please?"

The first one says "Andrea Smith, I was a doctor."

"Of course. Doctors who save lives are allowed. Come in. Next?"

The second one says "Megan Jones, I was a nurse."

"Of course. Nurses who care for the sic...

My grandpa has been condescending Dave and Ray Davies since the 60s...

I guess he’s really into Kink shaming.

AMA Request: Kim Davis.

I would like to hear her answer this question, for she seems uniquely qualified to do so:

If a man and woman from Kentucky get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?

Mole family and farmer Davis

There was a mole family on a farm, they had a mole hole. The farm belonged to Farmer Davis.

One day Farmer Davis decided to cook some chicken, so he starts a cookin.

Papa mole could smell some chicken and thought it smelled so good, so he scurried on up the mole hole and say at the ent...

Why don't they listen to Miles Davis in Europe?

Because they listen to Kilometres Davis instead.

Tried to cover Miles Davis but failed miserably...

I Kind of Blue it

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Miles Davis was indeed a lucky man...

He literally had a Blow Job lasting 45 years.

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Miles Davis takes a lesson.

Miles Davis was taking a lesson from a famous music teacher in N.Y. The teacher asked Miles, "In the key of E major, what does it put the trumpet in"? Miles answered. "Back in the fucking case !"

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A White Horse Walks Into a Bar

A white horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a cocktail named after you!". "What?", says the horse, "Steve?".

\-heard from Alan Davies on Q.I.

In the today's news a man was caught attempting to pickpocket Warwick Davis.

Don't know how anyone could stoop so low.

A patient goes to the doctor and says: „I feel kind of blue.“

He has mild davis.

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Miss Davies wants to teach her class about Hearsay, so they enact a game of "Telephone"

She arranges the students in a circle and turns to her first student, Peter. She whispers "The box jellyfish has 24 eyes, and a lifespan of less than one year" to Peter and tells him to pass the message on. As she watched the message being passed on, she noted the subtle look of enlightenment in eac...

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Three Irishmen are walking home after a night at the pub.

They're all a bit pissed, and decided to take the shortcut through the churchyard. As they pass the gravestones, one Irishman says to the others, "Look at this, boys. Ol' Patrick Flannigan lived 'til 85". Another of the men says, "Ah, that's nothing. Davie O'Toole is buried here. He lived to be 97."...

Did you hear about the jazz trumpeter hired to play a bris?

His name was Mohels Davis.

Confession

A teenage boy goes to church to confess his sins...

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy?"

"Yes Father, it is," the boy replied.

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can’t tell you F...

America could never switch to the metric system.

Kilometers Davis, how does that sound?

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

Grandpas joke: Ellen's church recognition

Ellen was very involved with her church and community projects. So much so, the paster decided to recognize her efforts during Sunday service.

Paster Davis: I'd like to take a moment to recognize Ellen for her hard work and contributions. Ellen come up here and take a bow.

Ellen smi...

Lost my job at the HR department for signing the complaints letters with my initials.

Apparently it's because my name is Tommy Lee Davis Richards.

What us orange and sounds like a parrot?

'A carrot'

Re: Alan Davies.

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Magic Cheese

"Your blood pressure and cholesterol are too high for a 30 year old." The Doctor said to David. "You need to lose some weight and soon. You are sweating too much and your stool samples look a little too loose. In fact, you have the early stages of dysentery due to the terrible things you eat. I'm go...

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