A committee was deciding to honor either Mendel, Linnaeus, or Darwin as the most important biologist of all time.

They naturally selected Darwin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors...

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionair...

What did Darwin tell his children?

You're adapted

What did Darwin’s son tell his siblings?

You’re adapted!

I once went to a Darwin Awards ceremony.

I was the only person to show up.

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"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here. What's the problem, Cobber?" "I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp. Now her pussy has completely closed up!"

"Bummer, mate!!"

"Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that. Bye!"

In response to the invitation for a rather unusual reunion of all time greats.......

\* Newton said he'd drop in.
\* Socrates said he'd think about it.
\* Ohm resisted the idea.
\* Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
\* Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.
\* Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.
\* Volta was electrified at the prospe...

Today I turned in my rough draft of a paper on Darwin’s theory.

The teacher said it would be decent with modification.

Darwin once said that its "survival of the fittest"

In Africa it's "survival of the thinnest"

Einstein, Newton and Darwin are having a small argument.

Newton, a bit annoyed, says "Guys, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation".

Einstein replies, "I think I do relatively understand it."

On which Darwin says, "Please don't let this evolve into a big fight, aight?"

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?


So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....

He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

[Punchline wanted] Charles Darwin, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, and Jerry Lewis walk into a bar. To their surprise, the bartender is a monkey.

Lamarck notes that the monkey's arms have become long from reaching for bottles on the high shelves. Darwin disagrees, saying that the monkey got the job because it was born with long arms. Jerry Lewis looks at the both of them, and says…

Sorry, SimLife couldn't get a needed punch line.

Joe, Pascal, Darwin and Newton go play hide 'n' seek

Joe, Pascal, Darwin and Newton decide to play hide and go seek. Joe decides to count. When he starts counting Darwin runs off to look at bugs, Pascal runs and hides in a box and Newton simply draws a square around him which is neatly labelled 1m^2 . When joe opens his eyes he says "come on Newton at...

How did Charles Darwin die?

Natural causes.

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"

"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's bro...

A man is standing on a cliff and says to his wife “I bet I can make it to the bottom faster than you!”. She agrees to the bet and they both jump off at the same time. Who wins?

Charles Darwin

So if Lucy died 3.2 million years ago after falling from a tree...

...does that qualify her for a Darwin award?

Apes are very intelligent...

After working very hard with a group of apes their zookeepers seemed to have had some success teaching them to read and write.

The apes begin to make remarkable progress. As they spent most of their budget on basic children's books the staff decides to use texts about animals from the gift sh...

Some people just don't understand evolution.

I was talking to an Australian the other day who actually thought *he* came from Darwin!

All credit to Milton Jones for that one.

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