Middle school for me was like Charles Darwin…

Naturally, I wasn’t selected by anybody.

How do you spell Darwin Awards?

S-t-u-r-g-i-s

What did Charles Darwin say to the animals he discovered

"Naturally I've selected you all for dinner"

Why did Reddit mods take down Darwin’s theory of evolution post?

The link was missing

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

Q: What was Darwin’s favorite Breed of Dog?

A: *The Beagle*

How did Charles Darwin propose to his wife?

He said that she was his natural selection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here..........What's the problem,.... Cobber?"

"I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."



"Bummer, mate...!!!"



"Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that. Bye."

Darwin wasn't always an evolutionist.

He slowly became one over time.

What did Darwin tell his children?

You're adapted

Today I turned in my rough draft of a paper on Darwin’s theory.

The teacher said it would be decent with modification.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors...

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionair...

What did Darwin’s son tell his siblings?

You’re adapted!

If you were to steal a historical figures research notebooks what you steal?

Charles Darwin’s would be my natural selection.

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

Einstein, Newton and Darwin are having a small argument.

Newton, a bit annoyed, says "Guys, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation".

Einstein replies, "I think I do relatively understand it."

On which Darwin says, "Please don't let this evolve into a big fight, aight?"

Darwin once said that its "survival of the fittest"

In Africa it's "survival of the thinnest"

So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....

He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

Why did Darwin love CSS?

Because children inherit properties from their parents.

When you don’t qualify for a Nobel Peace Prize...

... Go for the Darwin Award!

In response to the invitation for a rather unusual reunion of all time greats.......

\* Newton said he'd drop in.
\* Socrates said he'd think about it.
\* Ohm resisted the idea.
\* Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
\* Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.
\* Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.
\* Volta was electrified at the prospe...

[Punchline wanted] Charles Darwin, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, and Jerry Lewis walk into a bar. To their surprise, the bartender is a monkey.

Lamarck notes that the monkey's arms have become long from reaching for bottles on the high shelves. Darwin disagrees, saying that the monkey got the job because it was born with long arms. Jerry Lewis looks at the both of them, and says…

Sorry, SimLife couldn't get a needed punch line.
...

I completely support people's choice to not wear masks and gather in large groups during a pandemic.

So would Darwin.

TikTok does one thing well.

Darwinism

A man is standing on a cliff and says to his wife “I bet I can make it to the bottom faster than you!”. She agrees to the bet and they both jump off at the same time. Who wins?

Charles Darwin

Man this book on natural selection is really fascinating me

I wonder if there are any other books about the Darwin awards

My uncle got an award for not wearing a mask.

The Darwin Award.

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"

"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's bro...

So if Lucy died 3.2 million years ago after falling from a tree...

...does that qualify her for a Darwin award?

Some people just don't understand evolution.

I was talking to an Australian the other day who actually thought *he* came from Darwin!

All credit to Milton Jones for that one.

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