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Darwin Jokes

What did Darwin tell his children?

You're adapted

Darwin wasn't always an evolutionist.

He slowly became one over time.

How did Charles Darwin propose to his wife?

He said that she was his natural selection.

Q: What was Darwin’s favorite Breed of Dog?

A: *The Beagle*

What did Charles Darwin say to the animals he discovered

"Naturally I've selected you all for dinner"

Today I turned in my rough draft of a paper on Darwin’s theory.

The teacher said it would be decent with modification.

Middle school for me was like Charles Darwin…

Naturally, I wasn’t selected by anybody.

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

Why did Reddit mods take down Darwin’s theory of evolution post?

The link was missing

What did Darwin’s son tell his siblings?

You’re adapted!

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here..........What's the problem,.... Cobber?"

"I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."



"Bummer, mate...!!!"



"Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that. Bye."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors...

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionair...

Einstein, Newton and Darwin are having a small argument.

Newton, a bit annoyed, says "Guys, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation".

Einstein replies, "I think I do relatively understand it."

On which Darwin says, "Please don't let this evolve into a big fight, aight?"

So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....

He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

What do you call five tubes of human toothpaste?

The winners of the 2023 Darwin Awards!

Why did Darwin love CSS?

Because children inherit properties from their parents.

I had a party for the worlds greatest historical figures, here are their RSVPs

Isaac Newton: "I'll drop in."

Socrates: "I'll think about it."

Charles Darwin: "I'll wait to see what evolves."

Marie Curie: "I am radiating enthusiasm."

Ivan Pavlov: "I'm positively drooling at the thought."

Albert Einstein: "It will ...

A man is standing on a cliff and says to his wife “I bet I can make it to the bottom faster than you!”. She agrees to the bet and they both jump off at the same time. Who wins?

Charles Darwin

If you were to steal a historical figures research notebooks what you steal?

Charles Darwin’s would be my natural selection.

TikTok does one thing well.

Darwinism

Joe, Pascal, Darwin and Newton go play hide 'n' seek

Joe, Pascal, Darwin and Newton decide to play hide and go seek. Joe decides to count. When he starts counting Darwin runs off to look at bugs, Pascal runs and hides in a box and Newton simply draws a square around him which is neatly labelled 1m^2 . When joe opens his eyes he says "come on Newton at...

I won a scentific reward today!

I actually made a helpful contribution to humanity! the scientific community has rewarded my work!


I can't wait to display this new "darwin award" I got!

Darwin once said that its "survival of the fittest"

In Africa it's "survival of the thinnest"

[Punchline wanted] Charles Darwin, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, and Jerry Lewis walk into a bar. To their surprise, the bartender is a monkey.

Lamarck notes that the monkey's arms have become long from reaching for bottles on the high shelves. Darwin disagrees, saying that the monkey got the job because it was born with long arms. Jerry Lewis looks at the both of them, and says…

Sorry, SimLife couldn't get a needed punch line.
...

When you don’t qualify for a Nobel Peace Prize...

... Go for the Darwin Award!

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"

"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's bro...

I completely support people's choice to not wear masks and gather in large groups during a pandemic.

So would Darwin.

Man this book on natural selection is really fascinating me

I wonder if there are any other books about the Darwin awards

So if Lucy died 3.2 million years ago after falling from a tree...

...does that qualify her for a Darwin award?

Some people just don't understand evolution.

I was talking to an Australian the other day who actually thought *he* came from Darwin!

All credit to Milton Jones for that one.

My uncle got an award for not wearing a mask.

The Darwin Award.

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