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Brown Paper Bag Jokes

Blondes

A young blonde, out of money and down on her luck, needed some quick cash. Desperate, she decided to kidnap a child and hold it for ransom…

She went to the local playground, randomly grabbed a kid, took him behind a nearby building, and in a stern voice she told him, "You've been kidnapped, ...

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A man walks into a bar with a brown paper bag.

He goes to the bar and starts to pull things out of the paper bag. First he pulls out a tiny little piano. He then pulls out a tiny little bench for the piano. Finally he pulls out a tiny little man and sits him down on the bench at the piano. The little man starts playing beautiful piano music. ...

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Guy walks into a bar with a brown paper bag and orders a beer. The barman delivers but notices something moving in the bag and asks what's in it.

Guy puts his hand in the bag and pulls out a small piano, then a tiny chair and finally a miniature guy in a tuxedo that proceeds to sit down and play.

"That's amazing," says the barman. "Where did you get him?"

Guy pulls a genie's lamp out of his jacket.

"Wow, do you mind if I ...

My boss told me not to bring my lunch to work in a brown paper bag.

I told him that I'll drink my lunch how I want.

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A native american hitchhiker was picked up by a slick

city man who was driving past the reservation.

As they were driving along, the indian noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents. The city man replied: "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife".

The Indian looked forward at the road, nodded his head ...

A man goes to the supermarket

A man in a supermarket goes up to a cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter.

The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?" "Yes, it's at home," replies the man. "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier.

The next ...

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Guy walks into a bar...

...and orders a drink. He's carrying a brown paper bag, which he sets down on the bar.

The bartender asks "What's in the bag?" The guy says "Wanna see?" He reaches into the bag and pulls out a very tiny grand piano and sets it on the bar. Then he reaches back into the bag and pulls out a tiny...

Went into a shop to purchase Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits

And I was given a magazine in a plain brown paper bag.

At a testimonial dinner in his honor

A wealthy businessman gave an emotional speech. "When I came to this city fifty years ago," he said, "I had no car, my only suit was on my back, the soles of my shoes were thin, and I carried all my possessions in a paper bag." After dinner, a young man nervously approached. "Sir, I really admire al...

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Guy walks into a Sperm Bank.

He has his pistol drawn and a brown paper bag over his head as a mask.

The lady behind the counter jumps from her chair with her hands in the air and says, “Sir, this is not that kind of a bank!”

The man shouts, “Shut up Bitch! I know where I am at! Now open that refrigerator!”
<...

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The Judge

While walking through a courthouse, a kid enters an empty courtroom. He sees a fine leather briefcase (the kind the lawyers carry) sitting on a bench. He picks it up and runs through the first door he sees, which leads to the judge\`s chambers.

The judge says, "Hey kid, go across the street ...

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A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday...

A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday at a shop down the street from the church the priest pastors. Surprised, the man, who went to that church, asked why he was buying Jagermeister.

The priest said, "it's an old secret that Jagermeister helps constipation, which one of the nuns...

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Robert Plant, Paul McCartney, and Mick Jagger convene once a year to discuss all the great foods they've found travelling the globe on tour.

Robert is the first to excited reveal his 'big find'. He takes out a little pie tray from a brown paper bag and places it on the table.

"It's a pastry of some kind from Tanzania. It's akin to what we call a quiche, but uses yak cheese and quail eggs instead!"

"Fascinating" says Paul, w...

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So I went to my local butcher shop...

because they make fucking amazing beef jerkey (peppered) and as I leave the shop with my jerky, I noticed a dog sitting in front of the back door to the butcher shop. I didn't think much of it, dogs like meat so he was probably begging. However I noticed that the dog has a brown paper bag with a not...

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Heard this on the radio... told many times, but probably my favorite joke.

One morning before daybreak, Little Johnny scatters out onto the front porch with a handful of duck tape. He's stopped by his grandfather, who rests comfortably on an old rocking chair... his usual morning leisure. The grandfather notices the duck tape...

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"Whatcha doin' wit...

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Jim's Birthday Hat

Jim's birthday was coming up, and as much as he enjoyed his birthday, he dreaded the obligations that came with it. Despite his vehement protests, his wife had arranged lunch with the whole family, including his witch of a mother-in-law. But Jim was a good man and said he'd be on his best behaviour....

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