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Yorkers Jokes

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

FUCK YOU!

Why are so many New Yorkers suffering from depression?

Because for them, the "light at the end of the tunnel" is New Jersey.

How Many New Yorkers Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Three. One to change it, and two to talk about how much better the bulbs in New York are.

Phones

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of Buffalo, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 120 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the w...

New Yorkers confuse me...

Half of them keep saying "fuhgeddaboudit" but the rest of them keep saying "Never forget".

Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab...

One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.

Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota?

Because that's where the mini apple is!

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This thing is closing schools, paralyzing the nation and fucking new yorkers

We need to call it COVID9/11

New Yorkers are the fastest readers.

80 stories in ten seconds splat!

How fast can New Yorkers read?

They can go through 100 stories in under 20 seconds

It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month.

Go Bills!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Yo, why the fuck do you want to know, Asshole? Mind your own goddamn business, OK, fucko!

If you ever see three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument

a bank has just been robbed

Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.

The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates of Heaven

When a group of New Yorkers walked up.

"Hey St. Petey, may we come in too Heaven?"

St. Peter replies "Well, we have never had N6e Yorkers in Heaven before, let me ask God."

He leaves the pearly gates of Heaven and goes to see God.

"God, there is a group of New Yorkers at ...

If Londoners are what you call people from London and New Yorkers are what you call people from New York, what are Hamburgers??

Delicious!!

A New Yorker, a Las Vegan, and a Texan all meet at a bar overseas...

The New Yorker says "this bar is ok, but I'd like to drink to my hometown bar, where the server greets you with your favourite drink, and every weekend is happy hour all night."

They all nod and cheers, and drink to the New Yorkers hometown bar.

After the next couple of rounds the La...

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Classic

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals. The cannibal chief says "we're going to kill you, eat you and sow your skins to make a canoe. But you get to choose how to die."

The English man pulls out a revolver, yells "God save the Queen!" and shoots himself in the ...

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I wrote a book, and the first sentence reads, “There I sat in Central Park, staring at the base of the Empire State Building across the street.”

The title of the book is “I’ve Never Been to New York But I Love Hearing New Yorkers Get Mad At This Shit”

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My brother-in-law got fired from an upscale restaurant for sticking his penis into the cheese grater.

Apparently "fine wine and thinly sliced penis" is not appealing to most New Yorkers.

Laughter is the Best Medicine. OK Reddit, whats the best 9/11 Joke You've Ever Heard?

Q: How Many New Yorkers Does it Take to Screw in a Light Blub?

A: None - they all jump out of the building when it gets too hot

Not the best, I admit. But yeah - top that.

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A man is walking down Fifth Avenue in New York City.

He sees a long line of people who all appear to be anxiously waiting for something. Intrigued, he asks a woman in the line what she's waiting for.

"Apparently the President is in town raising money for his family's legal bills," she responds.

"Huh. That's got to be a lot of money. I'm ...

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