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Whole Foods Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Amazon's acquisition of Whole Foods really went down:

Bezos: Alexa, buy me olives from Whole Foods.

Alexa: Sure, buying all of Whole Foods.

Bezos: Crap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in a very busy Whole Foods and saw this beautiful young woman shopping.

I asked her, "I can't seem to find my wife, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, but how can that help?"

"Once she sees me talking to you, I'll bet you anything she'll appear out of fucking nowhere."

If Whole Foods sells sliced apples,

Is it false advertising?

Why did the rapper go to Whole Foods?

He heard they had fresh beets.

I'm eating mostly whole foods lately

Whole pizzas, whole cheeseburgers, whole tubs of ice cream...

Made this joke up while working at Whole Foods a couple years back...

**What do you call a Whole Foods employee that shops at another grocery store?**

>!A "Traitor" Joe !<

Why is Whole Foods’ house brand called 365?

Cuz you have to work 365 days a year to afford it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that if you stroke your testicle with one hand and a kiwi with the other and close your eyes, you won’t feel the difference?

And that I’m not allowed to shop at Whole Foods for the next couple of months?

An Amazon executive walks into a Whole Foods

It's his first time there, and he wants to see what all the hype is about.

The executive goes shopping for his normal every day needs, and even picks out a couple extra things that stood out to him for an impulse buy.

The executive goes to the counter to check out, and the clerk rings ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

His dick is like shopping for food at whole foods.

It doesn't matter how much I get, or when I get it. I always feel fucked.

Healthy German

What did the health conscious german say, when he entered Whole Foods?

Gluten Morgen

PS: First time posting an original.

If I had a dollar for every year since the beginning of time...

I could buy Whole Foods

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