I’ve been a follower of r/jokes for a long time so here are some of my favorite ones:
One, uno, eins, un.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..."
*Poof* ... He disappears without a tres.
Ive been playing uno with my kids for 50 years now.
I finally dropped my reverse card and now they have to change my diapers.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says “uno, dos...”
But before he can finish his sentence, a gunshot rings through the air and he falls to the floor, blood oozing out of his head. Screams are everywhere as the audience seeks cover.
His best friend Nathaniel is in the audience, but all he can do is sit there in shock and stare at the corpse of ...
My wife and I figured out a way to play poker with Uno cards
Total game changer
"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...
...before it cinq.
"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.
"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.
"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.
"Won," radioed the American sub.
Played UNO for game night
Yeah, just that one.
I was watching a magician in Spain and he counted, "Uno, Dos"
And he vanished without a trace
Why soccer players don't play Uno?
Because they don't like to get red cards.
In Mexico, UNO is actually only played with three colors.
Well, they come with four, but everyone just keeps the green cards for themselves.
Don't complain about Microsoft skipping Windows 9.
They've never been able to count. They came out with Microsoft DOS without ever releasing Microsoft UNO.
Someone asked me the other day what the plural of the game Uno is, so I said
Unos
The Spanish assassin
There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.
One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,...
If the square root of - 1 = i What would the square root of negative Uno be?
i i i (ay ay ay!)
How do '90s kids count to 6?
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.
The greatest magic trick
A world famous Hispanic magician walked on stage to thunderous applause from a large crowd. He announced to the audience that he would disappear before their very eyes before the count of three. He begins the count “Uno, Dos..” POOF! He disappeared without a Tres.
Heard from my manager at work
Did you hear about the Spanish Magician?
He was so good he could say,
“Uno…
Dos…”
Then he was gone without a trace.
My family plays a lot of games during family game night, but one game never gets mentioned.
We don't talk about Uno.
I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.
Uno.
A Spaniard is counting small green vegetables...
"Uno pea, dos pea, tres pea, cuatro pea", and then he fainted.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.
>!Uno, dos... poof. He disappeared without a tres.!<
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A family of 5 in an Audi Quattro are driving through the south of Italy.
They stop for a ferry to Sicilia. A worker tells them to stop.
The driver says, "Why should we stop?"
The worker replies with, "You know, its illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro.
D (driver): Why?
W(worker): Quattro means 4. There are 5 of you, one will have to stay behi...
An englishman, frenchmen, and spaniard were racing their cats on a paper boat in the water
They each name their cat the same in each language. The Englishman names his cat "One Two Three". The Frenchman names his "Un deux Trois". The Spaniard names his "Uno dos tres". The race begins, and Uno dos tres wins, with one two three at second place. The Frenchman's cat is nowhere to be found. Af...
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just ze name of zefokken automobile" the German says unb...
A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick
The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!
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