A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof!
He disappeared without a tres.
5 people arrive at a police checkpoint in their car...
The policeman stops them: "You do realise you are breaking the law" he tells the driver.
Driver: "how so?"
Policeman: "what car are you driving?"
Driver: "An Audi Quattro, its very nice"
Policeman: "And there are currently 5 people in this car, correct?"
So, the Pope dies and goes to heaven...
He approached the pearly gates as angelic music plays around him and soft light baths him.
Knocking, he is surprised when Hari Krishna open the gate to him.
"Hello. Who are you?" He says in a thick Indian accent.
"I'm the Pope."
"Great. What is a Pope?"
It's really weird playing Uno with a Mexican.
They never get any green cards.
I was watching a magician in Spain and he counted, "Uno, Dos"
And he vanished without a trace
Played UNO for game night
Yeah, just that one.
Did you hear about the Spanish magician?
He would wave his magic wand and count "Uno, Dos-"
And *poof*, he'd disappear without a *tres*.
Ive been playing uno with my kids for 50 years now.
I finally dropped my reverse card and now they have to change my diapers.
My wife and I figured out a way to play poker with Uno cards
Total game changer
Why is Trump no fun to play UNO with?
He keeps all the green cards.
I’ve been a follower of r/jokes for a long time so here are some of my favorite ones:
One, uno, eins, un.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says “uno, dos...”
But before he can finish his sentence, a gunshot rings through the air and he falls to the floor, blood oozing out of his head. Screams are everywhere as the audience seeks cover.
His best friend Nathaniel is in the audience, but all he can do is sit there in shock and stare at the corpse of ...
Why Can't You Play UNO With Mexicans?
They keep stealing the goddamn green cards.
If the square root of - 1 = i What would the square root of negative Uno be?
i i i (ay ay ay!)
A few years ago, I saw a Hispanic magician
My favorite trick was at end, when he said he would dissappear at the count of three.
And he started counting "Uno...."
And poof, he was gone. Without a Tres.
In Mexico, UNO is actually only played with three colors.
Well, they come with four, but everyone just keeps the green cards for themselves.
Why soccer players don't play Uno?
Because they don't like to get red cards.
"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...
...before it cinq.
"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.
"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.
"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.
"Oh," radioed the American sub. "I guess we won"
While Playing uno with the family
I corrected them. I said, "in Trumps america, it's called 'one' "
My wife told Me She wants a divorce because I take our marriage as a game.....
So I gave Her an UNO reverse card and now I am the one who wants a divorce.
I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.
An englishman, frenchmen, and spaniard were racing their cats on a paper boat in the water
They each name their cat the same in each language. The Englishman names his cat "One Two Three". The Frenchman names his "Un deux Trois". The Spaniard names his "Uno dos tres". The race begins, and Uno dos tres wins, with one two three at second place. The Frenchman's cat is nowhere to be found. Af...
COVID Vaccine Efficacy
Researchers from the Universidad Autónoma de Guadalajara in Mexico discovered that a single dose of the corona virus vaccine was capable of alleviating life-threatening and reducing transmission rates by 87%.
An audio excerpt from the conversations of the two researchers, C. Guillermo and H. ...
I played Donald Trump in Uno.
He was so easy to beat, for a man all about winning he should learn to stop taking all the green cards.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.
>!Uno, dos... poof. He disappeared without a tres.!<
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A family of 5 in an Audi Quattro are driving through the south of Italy.
They stop for a ferry to Sicilia. A worker tells them to stop.
The driver says, "Why should we stop?"
The worker replies with, "You know, its illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro.
D (driver): Why?
W(worker): Quattro means 4. There are 5 of you, one will have to stay behi...
A Spanish man is showing his friend his boats
He tells his friend he has a boat named uno, dos, tres, cuatro, and seis.
His friend asks what happened to the fifth one
The Spanish man says: Cinco!
The Spanish assassin
There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.
One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,...
A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist
In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then poof, he vanished without a trace.
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just ze name of zefokken automobile" the German says unb...