Too Slow Jokes

Police officer asks the usual, “…know why I pulled you over…” “…license, registration, proof of insurance…”

Lady hands everything over as usual,

And then the Officer asks, “Ma’am, you got any weapons in the car I should know about?”

Old Lady answers “a .45 at my waistband, a Glo... read more

So I told him to Mufasa.

… so he decides it’s time to get a car. He doesn’t have a lot of money so he buys a used French sedan. The snail is so impressed how fast he gets around town.

From place to place he wizzes by this slug, beetle and worm friends. While that car isn’t a racer by any means, the snail doesn’t kno... read more

Cop walks up to the car & sees an elderly woman behind the wheel.

Cop: *Excuse me ma'am, can you tell me why you were driving so slow on the highway?*

Driver: *Officer, I was only going the speed limit. There was a sign back a half mile that said the it was 14mph.*

Cop: *... read more

He gets out and goes up to the car, and finds it full of old ladies. He addresses the driver:



"Maam, you were going 20 miles an hour on a 70 mile an hour highway. Going that slow is too dangerous"



"But officer, I was just following the speed limit", she says, pointing t... read more

"Meet me by the rock pile tonight. I'll be a little bolder."

Mu-fasa

But neither of them want to go, so they need to provide medical proof why they can’t join.

“It’s easy for me”, says the turtle “I am slow.”He enters the examination room and when he comes out, he happily tells his friend that he is in fact too slow.

“Well”, says the mole next, “I am ... read more

Who are You? What is Your name? Do you speak english? You look illegal to Me are You legal? Where did You come from?........

Ok first of all My name is officer Gonzales and I am supposed to be doing the questions.

A highway patrol officer pulls a car over for going too slow on the interstate and, stepping up to the window, finds it to be occupied by two little old ladies.

The driver is calm as ever, but the woman in the passenger seat is shaking violently.

The officer looks to the driver and sa... read more

A JavaScript developer will make empty promises and not call you back.

A Java developer will act classy but he’ll treat you as an object.

And a Python developer will take up all the space and everything will move too slow anyway.

They are getting a bit bored. But then suddenly one of them have an idea:

Polar bear 1 flicks the ear of Polar bear 2 and runs away while yelling: "you're too slow, you can't catch me!"

Polar bear 2 gets annoyed and starts running after Polar bear 1.

Polar bear 1 keeps running a... read more

He sees a waiter that is walking a bit too slow for his liking and asks him.

"Sorry... but do you maybe have hemorrhoids?"

The waiter responds.

"I am not sure, I will ask the chef."

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you c... read more

... was horrible at racing. It was just a bit too slow and kept getting edged out by the other snails at the finish line.

So, I removed its shell to reduce weight and hopefully make it a bit faster...

but the damn thing just got even more sluggish.

A threesome is playing golf on a very nice golf course; a preacher, a doctor and an engineer. They're moving along really slow because the foursome in front of them is playing too slow. They catch up to one of the caddies from the foursome and ask him, "Hey can we play through?"

The caddie ... read more

If you're too slow, they'll surrender.

So a blonde, brunette,and a red head are each forced to kill their husbands and dispose of the corpse. They all kill their victim and have the responsibility of disposing of the body so they all throw the body in the trunks of their cars. Now, they each have to drive to the location where they can s... read more

Back in the 1970s an Alaskan lawyer found out he had a long lost cousin in Czechoslovakia. In letters, the Czech mentioned he always wanted to see Alaska, so they arrange for him to come for a visit over the Christmas break.

While he's there the Alaskan takes him for a hike through the woods.... read more

... I didn’t finish it. It was too slow.

A cop pulls her over and says “Ma’am, you should know driving too slow is as much of a risk as driving too fast.”

The woman pointed to a sign and said “But Officer, I was going exactly the speed limit!”

The officer says “That’s the route number. You’re on US-17.” He notices another e... read more

So there's this man who drives a taxi for a living. He's no bad man, pays his taxes, loves his wife and has no addictions. But there is one bad thing that the taxi driver just loves to do, despite his good nature. Every time he drives past one of those cyclists who act like they own the place he eve... read more

Wanting to keep the party alive the tortoise hands the hare 50 dollars and says, "Here, take this to the store and buy more booze." "Wait! The hare is way too drunk to go to the store." The centipede said. The tortoise says, "I'm not gonna waste anymore time! I will go." The centipede stops the tort... read more

and he was walking too slow. So I told him "C'mon! Mufasa"!

Edited for a bit more for clarity..

A man walks into a hardware store and asks the clerk for a faster way to cut down trees. "My axe isn't cutting it anymore, it's just too slow," he says.

The clerk looks around for a bit and comes back with a chainsaw. "Here, this might be what you want." The man says, "Oh yeah, I've heard ... read more