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The Reverend Jokes

The Reverend John Flapps

The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town church
in Ireland . One day he was walking down the High Street and he
noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub
drinking beer.
The Reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open
door of the pub and sat down ne...

Why don't people ever make jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones?

The punch line is too long.

What did the reverend say before eating his salad?

Lettuce Pray.

The reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly...

along the street. He tries to assist her but they stumble and he falls on top of her. A passing policeman comes up and says "Oi mate, you can't do that in the street"

The Rev replies "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."

To which the cop replies, "Well, if you're in that far, you ...

Two nuns walk into a bar.

The bartender is surprised and then asks them

"I'm sorry, sisters, but are you sure this is the right place for you?"

"We know it's not, but the reverend told us to help sinful souls. We thought we could find one here."

The next day, two rabbis walk into the bar. The bartender a...

The contest

A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.


The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"


On...

Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

Sleeping with the minister's wife.

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife."


"Can you hold him in church for an hour after services for me?"


The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.


After services, he starts talking to the Reverend, asking h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman makes a deal with the Devil to gain wealth and power, but doesn't want to go to Hell.

The Devil makes a little rule for the woman. She happily agrees and thus, the contract is sealed.

She goes onto be the best stockbroker in her city, giving her a near bottomless checkbook and connections to lawmakers, celebrities, anyone with even a scrap of power in the city.


Almo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple wanted to join a church.

The reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously ver...

A reverend gets pulled over...

The Police Officer asks, "Father, have you been drinking?"

The Reverend responds, "Only water, Officer."

The Police Officer replies, "Why do you smell like wine then?"

The Reverend suddenly yells, "Jesus, he's done it again!"

A cop pulls over a reverend

The Reverend rolls down the window and asks: What's the problem Officer?
The cop replies with: Reverend have you been drinking?
The Reverend is fumbled and says : No Officer, just water.
Cop smirks and says : Why do I smell wine?
The Reverend exclaims and says: Good Lord he's done it ag...

A reverend was talking to his congregation.

"I want this congregation to crawl!" he exclaims.

"Let it crawl reverend, let it crawl!" the congregation replies.

"I want this congregation to run!" the reverend yells.

"Let it run reverend, let it run!" the congregation yells back.

"I want this congregation to SOAR!...

The Pilot and the Priest

A pilot and a priest have died and are waiting in line outside the gates of Heaven for entry. When they reach the front of the line, St. Peter beckons the pilot forth.

"Who are you, so I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" he asks.

"I am Joe Dohn of Los Ange...

Reverend, Lion and Jesus

The reverend visits Africa and was preaching in a small church "thankful prayers outweighs begging prayers"
On the way back to the airport for the flight home, his rental jeep broke down halfway in the middle of a jungle. He starts to walk back to the church which was 3 miles away to get assistan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reverend's wife walks into a butcher shop.

She knows that her husband will be entertaining some pretty important members of their congregation for dinner, and she wants only the finest food. She asks the butcher what he would personally recommend, to which he replies "Well ma'am, I would have some Dam Ham." The reverend's wife, a simple lady...

A Catholic priest and a Reverend walk by a brothel

The Reverend stops and says: "I'll head inside, just to check on these poor girls, to make sure they haven't strayed too far from the ways of our Lord."
When he gets back out he turns to the priest and says: "Well, it's just better with my wife."

Sure enough the priest heads inside as well...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dark in here

Little Mikey was supposed to be taking a nap, but instead, he was hiding in his mother's closet when he heard her enter the bedroom with a strange man…
He listened as they hurriedly took off their clothes, jumped into bed, and started fucking like two jackrabbits…
Then, Mikey heard a car door ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One my Dad used to tell, not sure if it's well known.

A local bum, for the laugh, wanders into a catholic church during mass one day, shouting "I'm Jesus Christ! I'm Jesus Christ!" The priest tells the altar boys to give him a fiver, get rid of him.

The bum thinks 'this is fantastic, off to the church of Ireland next!' Once again, he staggers i...

What do you call a priest's sermon that takes too long?

The Reverending Story

Three Holy Men & a Bear

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of a university. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee, and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard - a real challen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday.

Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. 

"It's very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then preach in a monotone...

New Alabama Preacher

The new Alabama preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One day he decided to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately. He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"

No, ma'am," he replied. "I...

Two Rednecks are walking along a river bank...

... when they come across a group of people watching a man immerse some of them in the river. Spying them, the man calls out "Hey, brothers, come on down. I'm baptizing sinners, washing away their sin, just as the word says. Come on down, you'll find Jesus, you'll be saved!"

"What d'you reck...

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