Thanks to a very healthy lifestyle, a married couple live well into their 100s

One day they are both killed in a tragic accident, and go to heaven.

On the first morning, they go up to God and ask where the gym is. "Gym?" God replies, "you don't need to go to the gym here, you'll always be in perfect shape even if you never exercise." The wife says how nice that is, but...

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I know this guy

He has sex 2-3 times a day. Every day! Works out once or twice daily, he's in great shape. He even reads a book a week.

Would you believe this guy has the nerve to complain?

"Boohoo I'm in prison"

A 60 year old man named Bill goes to get his physical.

When his doctor is finished, he shakes his head. "Bill, you're a 60 year old man, you have the body of a guy in his 40's. You're in better health than most patients I see. I have to ask - how old was your dad when he died?"

"WHAT?", Bill bellows, "Who says Dad's dead?" The doctor starts t...

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A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces hersel...

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

I bought a rowing machine even after my wife said I'd never use it.

The joke's on her. I'm in great shape now, and all I do is row, row, row and gloat.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Jack and Coke.

The bartender reaches behind the bar and grabs a dark red apple, and hands it to the customer.

Dumbfounded, he says “Hey man, what the hell is this? I asked for a Jack and coke!”

The bartender said “Just go a head and take a bite.”

So the man took a bite and his eyes widened “W...

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There was an eighty year old man who went to the doctor for his annual checkup, and when the doctor finished checking him over, he was amazed and said

“Sir, you have the body of a 40 year old, and the physique of a 20 year old; tell me, what’s your secret.”

The old man replies “Well I have a very good relationship with the lord, so much so, that when I go to the bathroom at night he turns the light on for me.”

Now the doctor was just...

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A lawyer, an architect and a mathematician are all in the dog park with their dogs.

The mathematician walks up to the other two and says check out what my dog can do and throws a handful of jellybeans in the sand and snaps his fingers. His dog pushes them into a perfect circle and he says, look a perfect circle, that’s geometry and that’s math.

The architect says oh yeah wat...

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A woman went to get a physical for her 40th birthday...

When she got home, she was telling her turd of a husband how it went. “The doctor said I was in great shape. As a matter of fact, he said I have the breasts of a 20 year old. “
“Oh yeah?” Said her grumpy husband-“what he say about your 40 year old ass?”
“Your name never came up,” she replied.

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You have 10 birds in the tree if one gets shot how many left?

Here the programmer version


You have 10 birds in a tree. You shot one. How many are left?

There is a programmer version for this question:

One day, when the teacher wanted to test the students' IQ in class, he asked a boy, "There are 10 birds in a tree. You shot one. How man...

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