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Single Woman Jokes

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A single woman on her period decides that she does not longer want to sit around at home ...

... and that it is time to hit the town for some drinks. Maybe she will meet that special someone tonight? She decides to go to the local bar.

As she sits at the bar by herself a very drunk gentleman approaches and starts to flirt with her. It is clear the man wants to have sex with her. Howe...

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A hot single woman wants a strong relationship

She makes a post on a dating site saying that she is looking for a nice guy who wont hit her, wont run away, and is good in bed. A week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door, looks down and sees a guy with no arms and legs in front of her .he lady is confused and asks the guy who is he and w...

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A young, single woman is feeling lonely

and decides to take matters into her own hands. To shy to buy a sex toy, she heads to the grocery store and picks out some scented candles, a bottle of wine, some personal lubricant and a large cucumber. She takes her items up to the till and the cashier says:

"You're single, hey?"

She...

A single woman walks into a bar.

She goes straight up to the bartender and says, "I was told there would be a joke; that it would be hilarious; and that you would deliver the punchline."

The bartender looks up and says, "well aren't you miss informed."

A single woman was checking out at the grocery store

She was buying a 1/2 dozen eggs, a pint of milk, an orange an apple and a bottle of wine. A man in the line behind her said “ I see you’re single” the woman was taken back by the statement but then quickly figured out what he was talking about, she said “You’re guessing that from my purchases aren’t...

What do you get when you date a 28-year-old single woman?

Two Kids

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A 50 year old single woman goes to the doctor...

She tells the Doctor that she's a virgin, and that she's never even been kissed. She's asked all her friends why she's never been approached, none of them have been able to explain it to her. She just turned 50, and she's sure it must be some sort of medical problem.

The doctor says he'll do ...

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The Grocery Trip

An older single woman was shopping at the grocery store feeling lonely and horny. In the check out stand she noticed a young bagboy and thought she might approach him.

When he asked if he could take her groceries to her car she excitedly said, "Yes."

As they headed to the door ...

Why are married women fatter than single women?

A single woman looks in her fridge, sees nothing appetizing and goes to bed.

A married women looks in her bed, sees nothing appetizing and goes to the fridge.

Three good friends, Jake, John, and Jack, are accepted into Heaven

Three good friends, Jake, John, and Jack, are accepted into Heaven. However, before they enter, Saint Peter warns them that there are miniature ducks all over Heaven, and that they are to never, ever, step on them. With that, he leads them into the magnificent realm of Heaven.

After some tim...

A dating profile reads...

Single woman with Lysol and hand sanitizer seeking single man with two-ply toilet paper for good, clean fun.

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"Did your mother cook like this?"

A lonely man is attracted to a beautiful single woman in his office. He tries many ways to stimulate her interest in him, but she ignores all of his overtures—flirting, flowers, candy—nothing seems to work. Frustrated, he finally just asks her out to dinner, promising dinner at the best place in tow...

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and withi...

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A man at the local bar is very drunk...

A man at the local bar is very drunk and he is asking every single woman at the bar if she would like to go home and have sex with him.
After hours of failure, he tries again and much to his surprise, the woman agrees.
They leave the bar and start walking towards the parking lot, laughing and ...

Cloud Roulette

Three men in a car get into a crash and wind up in front of Saint Peter himself.

"Ah, first vist of the day! Not that I wanted you to die..." Saint Peter looks at a small clipboard and says, "Names!"

All men respond with their full names.

"Okay then... What? That's odd... None o...

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These are genuine clips from council complaint letters

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it h...

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