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Shouldn Jokes

If "tomb" is pronounced "toom", "womb" is pronounced "woom" then shouldn't...

"bomb" be pronounced "BOOM".

I hope that blew your minds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his Confederate flag.

My wife was in labour and started shouting "Wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't, didn't, can't!"

"Don't worry" said the midwife "they're just contractions"

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

The doctor replied “Don’t worry, Those are just contractions.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad says we shouldn’t reward people with ribbons after participating. It is like they are being rewarded for losing.

So i took down his confederate flag.

Edit: this blew up!! Thank you for the gold n silver kind strangers!

Edit : grammar

My dad said 'Son, stay out of strip clubs or you might see something you shouldn't.

So i went in and he was right.





I saw my dad.

Why shouldn’t you eat a clock?

Because it would be time consuming

You shouldn’t make fun of fat people

They have enough on their plates already.

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, sleazy, dirty, raunchy strip club, because you'll see something you really shouldn't.

So I went.

And I saw my dad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why shouldn’t you piss off a leper?

‘Cause if he gives you the finger, you’re gonna end up keeping it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We shouldn’t call them homophobes

We should call them gaycists

Why shouldn’t you take advice from a Dalmatian?

Because it’s spotty at best.

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because it’s pointless.

The manual in my car says that I shouldn’t turn the stereo volume to the maximum.

That’s....sound advice.

You shouldn’t joke about Molestations…

How are else would the Moles get to work

Why shouldn’t you steal from a family in Alabama?

Because their kids might have eyes in the back of their heads

People shouldn’t look down on lazy people.

They haven’t done anything!

Why shouldn’t you ride in an airplane with Ben Shapiro?

Because he’s always trying to destroy the left wing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why shouldn’t you provoke asexual people ?

Because Nobody f*cks with them

You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer.

Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.

Why shouldn’t boats hit certain islands?

It takes atoll on them.

My son asked if there is anything he shouldn’t buy at a yard sale.

I said Meters.

You shouldn’t hate everyone who comes to your house to ‘save you or you’ll burn’

Sometimes they’re firemen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why shouldn’t you poop in a recycling bin?

Because it’s supposed to go in the waste basket!

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but ...

I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning. The young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because apparently, I was taking too long to place my order.

When I got to the first window, I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier told her what I'd do...

Why shouldn’t you throw sodium chloride at people?

Because it’s assalt!

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison.

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!”

The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”

The wife replies: “Bullsht! He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for mo...

Why shouldn’t you put a toaster in the bathtub?

Because your toast will get soggy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones…

Or masturbate in the daytime

Why shouldn’t you disrespect Nicki Minaj?

She’ll make another song about it. Nobody wants that.

From my 6 year-old: Why shouldn’t you fart in an elevator?

Because it’s wrong on so many levels.

Why shouldn’t you fight a t-rex?

You’ll get jurasskicked

Why shouldn’t you wear a headlamp into a bar…

They’ll think you’re a miner.

Why shouldn’t you marry a tennis player?

“Love” means nothing to them.

Why shouldn’t you bother someone who collects bitcoins?

Because they’re mining their own business

Why shouldn’t you trust a new artist?

Because they are a bit sketchy

You shouldn’t have an arsonist play sports.

I hear they’re always throwing matches.

Why shouldn’t you party in a noodle shop?

So as not to disturb the soba atmosphere.

Why shouldn’t you make a agreement with wolverine ?

Because of his retractable Clause

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why shouldn’t you take someone’s bra?

Because they are boobytraps.

What clothes shouldn’t you wear inside?

Clothes that are worn out.

Why shouldn’t you trust atoms

They make up everything

What’s something yellow that you shouldn’t drink?

A school bus

Ladies: They say you shouldn’t date apostrophes - but I disagree.

Sure, they can be possessive but they’re the only one ever findin’ that g-spot.

Why shouldn’t you get in a fight with an Italian baker?

Because he’ll beat the focaccia.

People who misspell “effect” for “affect” shouldn’t be allowed to exist.

As you can tell, this effects me deeply:)

You shouldn’t make fun of short people

Because it’s a little person too... I mean a little too personal

A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins:

“When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the mi...

I’ve seen a few jokes about dwarfs recently and I’m sick of it.

My girlfriend has dwarfism, and is kinder and works harder than anyone I know. She deserves respect and shouldn’t be treated so poorly by you lot.

In fact, to make it up to her I’m going to make her a lovely meal, pour her a glass of wine, and run her a nice hot sink.

Why shouldn’t you go near big trees?

They’re really shady.

Why shouldn’t atheists pay taxes?

They are not for prophets

If you’re not a father, you shouldn’t make “dad jokes”

It’s a faux pa.

Why shouldn’t you hang your diplomas on the refrigerator?

Because a refrigerator shouldn’t have too many degrees.

Why shouldn’t you ask a fish vendor for help?

Because they sellfish

So, shouldn’t we like wait

Till after the pandemic to do the census?

People used to say that you shouldn’t clean your ears with Q-tips

But I haven’t heard that for a while.

You shouldn’t drink turpentine

Even though it’s a pallet cleanser.

Why shouldn’t you ever date an artist?

I don’t know, they just seem kind of sketchy.

Communists shouldn’t go to school

Don’t they believe in a classless society?

Why shouldn’t you make fun of burn victims?

Because they have already been roasted one to many times.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife tells me having a small penis shouldn’t affect our relationship.

I still wish she didn’t have one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You shouldn’t let your kids go to music class.

There’s too much sax and violins.

You shouldn’t take a lawyer’s advice over emails

Because that would be...





E-legal.

I'm thinking I'm going into labor. I can't, I won't, I shouldn't've.

My contractions are getting closer together.

A game you shouldn’t play single player?

Russian Roulette

You shouldn’t make fun of pets with artificial limbs.

It’s a faux paw

Why shouldn’t you recommend a book to a social media user?

Because they have probably already Reddit

The butcher shouldn’t put the names of the cows on the packaging.

I feel really bad eating good old Chuck.

Why shouldn’t you have pets in Spain ?

Because you can’t leave your Catalonia

Women shouldn’t have kids after 35

That’s way too many

Why shouldn’t you wear Russian Y-fronts?

Because Chernobyl fall out.

I’ve always been told that you shouldn’t tell jokes at other people’s expense.

Which makes me question the ethics of charging people to watch stand up comedy.

A priest and a nun…

A priest and a nun were out playing golf one day. They get to about hole 5 when the priest has a 10 ft putt for par. He lines up his putt but misses and yells out “Damnit! I missed!” The nun looks flabbergasted and says “Father, you know you shouldn’t be using foul language like that!” The priest sa...

I shouldn’t have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.

There were no strings attached.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A man walks into a bank and says to the the teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account.”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, but we don’t tolerate language like that in this bank.”

The teller then leaves the window and walks over to her manager to explain the situation.

The manager agrees that the teller shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of language. <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why shouldn’t you mess with a bagel shop owner?

They know Jew dough

Why shouldn’t you ever fart in an Apple store?

Because they don’t have Windows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are women's buttholes and 9 volt batteries alike?

You know you shouldn't, but eventually you'll put your tounge on it.

Why shouldn’t you mix whiskey and calculus?

Because its illegal to drink and derive

Why shouldn’t you sit next to a cheetah during a test?

Because it will eat you

Why shouldn’t fishermen become recreational boaters?

Their risk of stroke becomes much higher

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

I shouldn’t have bought this piece of shit from IKEA.

Why shouldn’t you buy cheap jeans from Northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout.

Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke

You’ll look crazy

Why shouldn’t you go into the jungle at 4pm?

Because that‘s when the elephants jump down from the plum trees.

Why do elephants have small blue eyes?
So that they can hide in plum trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a plum tree?
See, that proves how well the camouflage works.

Why are crocodiles so flat?
Becau...

Why shouldn’t you anger a violinist?

Because they’ll get violint

I knew I shouldn’t have started dating a bull fighter—

There were big red flags!

Just letting you guys know you shouldn’t drink and drive

You might spill your drink

Why shouldn’t you tell secrets on a farm?

The potatoes have eyes and the corn have ears.

Maybe we shouldn’t be eating those little flat breads during communion

... since they haven’t risen yet.

Why shouldn’t you do foreplay with French women?

Because they don’t like to beat around the bush

Why shouldn’t you ask big favors of certain diagnosed patients?

They usually come with conditions

Half of the people want to build a wall, the other half thinks we shouldn’t

Personally I’m on the fence.

Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldn’t play with legos argue

One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99!

I shouldn’t make blanket statements about autistic people but…

a lot of them do enjoy being wrapped in blankets.

Why shouldn’t you go to the bathroom with Team Rocket around?

Because they might take a Pikachu!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman's asshole is like a 9-volt battery.

You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're going to put your tongue on it.

Why shouldn’t you let somebody who just got out of rehab go skiing?

Because it’s a slippery slope

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I learned there are somethings you shouldn’t slap the shit out of.

One of them being, a colostomy bag.

My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear

At least that’s what I think she was saying

We really shouldn’t make jokes about molestation ...

It’s a bit of a touchy subject

A blonde tried to sell her old car...

She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250 000 miles.

One day she told her problem to a friend she worked with. The friend told her,

“There is a way to make the car easier to sell but it’s not legal.”

“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde.

“O...

My wife keeps telling me I shouldn’t pee in the bath

Or if I really have to, I should at least wait till she gets out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife told me that people shouldn’t stare at her ass because it’s asinine

I told her she’s wrong because her ass is a ten.

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