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Sfw Jokes

Perfect on the spot SFW joke

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

My first time. [SFW]

The sky was dark, the moon was high. All alone just she and I. Her hair was soft, her eyes were blue, I knew just what she wanted to do. Her skin so soft, Her legs so fine. I ran my fingers down her spine. I didn't know how, but I tried my best I placed my hand upon her breast. I remember my fear, m...

Another blonde joke... SFW

What do you call a blonde who dies her hair black?

Artificial intelligence..

What's worse than.... (SFW)

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it?


Biting into an apple and finding half a worm in it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the SFW substitute for “motherfucker” in Alabama?

Uncle

Kinda dark but still SFW

A woman was walking home with her 3 daughters.
The first one asked here
“Mom why did you chose my name”
and the mom says
“Well, when we were walking home from the hospital a rose petal fell on your head so we named you Rose”
The second daughter then asks.
“What about me?”
The ...

My 7 year old told me this one (sfw)

Why does the duck have feathers?
To cover it's quack hole!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What porn site category is SFW at this government office?

Butt SECs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dirtiest joke on The Tonight Show (SFW)

Alan King was on The Tonight Show and told Johnny Carson that he was going to tell the dirtiest joke ever told on network TV and the censors wouldn’t bleep a single word. This was many years ago, so I’ve likely changed a few minor details.

Jim was a successful stockbroker, but finally grew w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex sex sex (sfw)

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

loose skin around the vagina? (women)(sfw)

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."
"Now, we have a nice house, nice car, b...

SFW Joke my Granddad used to tell, i was the only one who ever found it funny

A guy gets sent to prison. His first day in the yard they are told to walk in a circle, no talking allowed between the prisoners. After a few minutes somebody yells "16" and the whole yard errupts with laughter. They continue walking in circles when someone else shouts out "54" and again everybody s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Study of the Penis. [SFW]

The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's Penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year, and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.


After the US published the study, the Fre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny's on a Roll (With his two black balls)(SFW)

Ms Wendall was a first grade teacher who had a bit of a morbid sense of humor. One day she said to the class, "I have an interesting idea. Everyday, I will ask a very hard question and who ever can answer it will get to leave the class early. You can't look up the answer on a smart phone or computer...

A married couple is lying in bed. (SFW)

The wife leans over and says, "I want you to say dirty things before we start". So the man starts to caress her neck and whispers to here. "Living room, Bathroom, Kitchen".

There's furniture items that allow SFW swearing.

That's sofa king nice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a penis and a testicle? (sfw)

There's a vas deferens between them.

Not NSFW: Next year, I'm moving to Greenwich, England

I don't know what I'll do in the mean time.

What's the most NSFW website on the internet?

osha.gov

Why do some posts have nsfw and some don't?

I was reading some sfw (safe for work) jokes at work and got fired!!!

What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?

Nitrogen, sulfur, fluorine, and tungsten…because they are NSFW.

Why did the fly fly?

Because the spider spied'er.

(SFW)

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