UPJOKE
romanceromanticismoccitanromanticgallophiliafrancophiliafrancophilecatalanlemerciersteadmanmargueritemartinoferrarapappasperrin

Picard Jokes

What did Captain Picard say to the engineer when the Enterprise's sewing machine broke?

Make it sew.

What did Captain Picard give his fiancée?

A ENGAGEment ring

Jean-Luc Picard just opened a Chinese restaurant.

It's called Make It Tso.

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and Jean Luc Picard?

Picard didn't sell Data

How many ears does Captain Picard have?

Three. A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

What do Kirk and Picard call their poo?

Captains Log

Why doesn't Captain Picard have an iPhone

He already has an android, and it came with a data plan.

If they found the captain's log in Picard's bathroom, what did they find in the second officers urinal?

Data stream

What's the difference between Captain Picard, a scared female pig, a loose thread, and the likelihood this joke is terrible?

One likes to make it so, one is an afraid sow, one is a frayed sew, and sorry, but I'm afraid so!

How does captain Jean-Luc Picard excuse himself from a conversation with Will Riker so he can use the restroom?

I have to go, Number One.

How many Captain Picards does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four. There, are, four, lights!

The Enterprise-D had just accomplished a major Starfleet mission, so the crew went to celebrate at Ten Forward. Captain Picard and Chief O'Brien were chosen to give the toasts.

First O'Brien gave his toast; "May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live."

Next Picard gave his toast; "Cinnamon, eggs, bread and maple syrup."

The bartender, Guinan, admired O'Brien's toast, but was absolutely confused by Picard's.

So O'Brien explain...

How did Lieutenant Worf get his promotion?

He was hoisted by his own Picard

What does captain Picard say when he's getting frisky with a woman?

The captain's log... is ready for entry

Levar Burton cannot replace Mayim Bialik as the host of the show...

Because Captain Picard would never willingly put a member of his crew in Jeopardy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Captain Picard's least favorite type of meal?

A smorgasborg.

What's Captain Picard's favorite game system?

N-Gage

Captain Jean-Luc Picard needed to mend his torn uniform, but his old Singer was broken. So he took it down to the repair shop...

...and said, "make it sew."

The starship Enterprise is about to face annihilation from a superior ship, but Picard comes up with a cunning plan.

"We'll beam Lieutenant Worf on to their ship to offer our unconditional surrender", says Picard

"But Captain", interrupts Riker, "they might not take us seriously if you send Worf. It might be wise to send Commander Troi".

"Nonsense! Put him in a wooly sweater, a wooly hat and gloves,...

It always amuses me to think what must have happened in Star Trek over the next three hundred years for a Frenchman like Picard to have an English accent...

And not an Arabic one.

My Grandparents were Trekkies, and named my father after their favourite Captain

when I was young, I was frequently hoisted by my own Picard

I made a clone of Patrick Stewart but something went terribly wrong.

The clone slammed me into a wall and lifted me by the neck. What could I do? I’d been hoisted by my own Picard.

One day on the USS-Enterprise...

Captain Picard tears his uniform. Now, normally he could just replicate a new one, but he was particularly fond of this uniform and so he went to get it mended in the uniform repair machine, but it was broken. So he called Geordi LaForge.

"Geordi, the machine that repairs uniforms is broken....

I know we get a lot of dad jokes...here's a mom one

What did Captain Picard say when he saw the new sewing machine?




Make it sew!

I can't decide if I want to watch the original Star Trek of The Next Generation...

I guess you could say I'm stuck between a Spock and a Picard place!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.