Man With No Arms Jokes - 49 Hilarious Man With No Arms Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and no legs is sunbathing on the beach

A beautiful woman walks over to him and says “awww you poor thing! I bet you’ve never been hugged before have you?”

He replies: “well, no actually I haven’t!”

She leans over and gives him a big hug.

“I bet you’ve never been kissed before either, have you?” she asks.

Once ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.

A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.

“Have you ever had a hug?” She asked.
“No.”
So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug.

Two minutes later, another beautiful woman was walking past the man.

“Aw look at you honey. ...

I saw a one legged man with no arms at the ATM today...

He asked me to help him check his balance.... So I pushed the guy over.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?

A. Anything you want, there's nothing he can do about it.

A man with no arms is homeless and looking for a job.

He goes to the pastor in his local church one morning and says:
"Pastor, I am in desperate need of work. Is there any kind of job you can give me, despite my obvious disability?"
The pastor, with a cheeky grin, points to the churches bell tower and says:
"You see that bell up in the tower? ...

What do call a man with no arms or legs in a cupboard?

Herb

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms

A man with no arms is standing in front of a urinal. Another man walks in and see the man standing there. He walk over and starts to go to the bathroom and looks over at the man with no arms. "Uhhh do you need help bro?" Said the man with arms to the man with no arms. He says, "Sure bro thanks!" As ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.

As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

A man with no arms walks into a church

“I’d like to apply to toll the bell, every hour on the hour” he tells the priest. The priest wonders how this would be possible with no arms so he decides to humor the man. Since it’s close to 3pm, they make their way up to the bell tower. At 2:54 the man sits cross legged and begins meditating. At ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and no legs is sat on a beach

A man with no arms and no legs is sat on a beach when he spots three playboy bunnies walking by him. They all spot him and feel bad for him so they try to cheer him up.
The first playboy bunny walks up to him and says; "Have you ever been hugged?" The man shakes his head so she gives him a hug.<...

A man with no arms and no legs always had a dream of becoming a firefighter.

His mother didn’t want to crush his dreams but she knew he would never be accepted. She let him set up an interview so he could be let down slowly. Surprisingly, she picked him up and he gave her the news that he got the job. She was shocked. On his first day of work, she wanted to check in on him s...

A man with no arms no legs and no torso goes to a bar on his 21st birthday

As it is 21st birthday he decides to go to a bar with his family and get his first beer.

The barkeep pours the beer into the man’s mouth and magically, to his amazement, he grows a torso. The man so stunned and happy decides to go and buy another beer.

The barkeep again pours the bee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and no legs sits at the beach pondering his lonely life

3 beautiful women walk by and the first woman taking pity on the man walks up and asks "Have you ever been hugged before?"

"No" says the man. So she hugs him and walks on.

The 2nd woman also taking pity on the man, walks up and asks "Have you ever been kissed before?"

"No" the m...

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident.

He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and do a lot of things that took two arms.

One day he had had it. He decided to commit suicide and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down when he saw a man skipping along, whistli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a man with no arms is walking around the store looking for help.

He walks up to a lady and asks her if she will pull his Willy out at a urinal so he can relieve his bladder. She reluctantly agrees and they go into the bathroom. She pulls his Willy out and the room is filled with this grotesque smell and it’s green and disgusting.

She then exclaims ,”oh my ...

Where’s the best place to find a man with no arms and no legs?

Where you left him

A man with no arms and no legs...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the water?
Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying on the doorstep?
Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no l...

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your pool?

Bob.

In a pile of leaves?

Russell.

In a hole?

Doug.

On a wall?

Art.

At your front door?

Matt.

Two armless legless men in front of your window?

Kurt and Rod.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms

A war veteran has lost his left arm in the battle.He spent months trying to get over it but he is still depressed about it.
One day, he saw a man with no arms,but he was jumping and running on the street and seems happy.
Veteran approached to him and asked;
-I lost my left arm in battle and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking on a beach when he saw a woman with no arms or legs crying.

A man was walking on a beach when he saw a woman with no arms or legs crying. He asked what was wrong. She said:
"I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been hugged."
He hugged her and kept walking. A few minuted later, he sees her crying again. He asked what was wrong now; She said:
"I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oldie but goodie. A man with no arms and no legs is hanging out on a bridge, crying.

A lady walks up to him and asks “why are you crying?”. The man responds “I was born with no arms and no legs, and life has been cruel. I’ve never felt the embrace of a woman giving me a hug”.

So the lady wraps her arms around him, tells him it’s gonna be okay, but he’s still crying. So she as...

There once was a man with no arms. [Long]

Despite this fact, when the town church was looking for a new bell toller, he went straight to the church. The pastor didn't believe the man when told he could do the job, but decided to humor him, saying "If you can ring the bell, the job is yours."

Excitedly, the man climbed the stairs to t...

A thrice divorced woman is giving love another try ...

Her first love abused her with his fists. The second one ran away. The third one completely failed in bed. But she still feels lonely and doesn't want to stop believing in love, so she posted an ad on a newspaper with her story that she was still available. A few days later, she heard the doorbell r...

A man with no arms applies to be the local church bell squire.

The pastor looks him over and says - Well, we didn't get alot of interest in the posting, so the job is yours, but I'm not sure how you plan on pulling the rope to the bell?
The man climbs up to the church steeple and runs at the bell as fast as he can. BOOOONG! He hits it with his face and it so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes in to a public toilet and sees a man with no arms standing by the urinal. The armless man turns to him and says, ''Could you help me, please? My zip needs undoing."

''Okay.'' says the first man, and he pulls down the man's zip.

The armless man then says, ''Could you take it out for me?''

''Um, well, okay." says the first man. He pulls the armless man's dick out of his pants and sees that it is covered in red bumps, green veins and brown scabs oozi...

What do you call a man & woman with no arms or legs sitting on a barbecue grill?

Frank & Patty.

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

A story about a man with no arms.

One day, a man with no arms was low of money and decided he needed a job. So he went to the local church and talked to the priest. He told the pastor that he wanted to be the bell ringer, despite the fact that he had no arms.

The priest pondered this, and said "if you can go ring the bell at...

How did the man with no arms fall off his bike?

He was hit by a washing machine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms was having sex with his girlfriend and she asked him to spank her

He said:"If you ask me to spank you one more time, I'm gonna kick your ass".

The man with no arms and legs had truly a touching moment at the hospital.

The doctors re-membered him on his birthday!

(long) A man with no arms is looking for a job...

... and the only listing he can find is a position ringing the bell every Sunday at a local church. He inquires about the job with the priest in charge of the church, and the priest immediately expresses skepticism that this man can do the job without arms.

"Father, has my absolute word that ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"

She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?

A taxi

An man with no arms walks into a bell tower...

...to apply for a job as the bell-ringer. He finds the proprietor and asks for a job. The proprietor says, "Well, sir, I don't think we'll be able to hire you. You have no arms with which to ring the bell." The man replies , "Sir, please. My father was a bell-ringer, my grandfather was a bell-ringer...

Did you hear about the man with no arms and no legs?

The doctor said he would be arsing around for the rest of his life

A young man with no arms and no legs dreamed of becoming a fireman.

His mother didn't have the heart to discourage him, even though she knew there was no way he could be a firefighter.

To her surprise, when she picked him up after his interview, he excitedly told her that they had taken him on, he was finally a real firefighter! His mother congratulated him,...

A man with no arms is in need of a job...

He lacks experience in the service industry but his missing arms severely limit his ability to perform manual labour. Everyday he goes out looking for work and everyday he comes back dejected.

One morning—while flipping through the classifieds with his toes—he comes across the following ad,...

I sold my guitar to a man with no arms

I said to him "How will this work?"

And he replied "I'm not sure, I'll play it by ear"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man With No Arms Is Looking For A Job

One day, as he is looking through the paper, he stumbles across a listing for a bell ringer at the local church. He thinks "I bet I could handle that" and walks down to the church early the next morning. He walks in and the priest says "how can I help you my son?". The guy with no arms says "I wanna...

A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms walks into a public restroom...

and comes up to the urinal. He looks to the guy at the urinal beside him and says, "Hey man, I know this is weird but I really need to pee and obviously I can't get my own dick out. Could you please help me out here." The other man, seeing there is no one else in the restroom, decides to be a good ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful....

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that plays 15 musical instruments?

Stump the Band

A man with no arms is looking for a job

He sees a church with a "Bell ringer wanted" sign in front of it and knocks on the door with his head.

A pastor answers the door, 'Yes?'

The man says, 'I am here to apply as a bell-ringer'.

The pastor is surprised at this and says, 'How will you be able to ring the bell without ...

A man with no arms is looking for a new job

A man with no arms is looking for a new job in the newspaper when he comes across an ad for a Bell-Ringer at the local church. The next day we went down to the church and the doors were closed. So he banged on the door using his head to get the attention of the priest. The priest answers, "Yes sir, ...

One day a man with no arms showed up at a monastery, asking if there was any work.

The monk thought for a while and asked if he could ring the bell in the tower by running into it with his head. The man with no arms thought he could manage that and started his new career.

For several days, the man happily rang the bell. Then one day he slipped, missed the bell, and fell off...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking along the beach, and encounters a woman with no arms or legs

She catches him looking, so he feels it necessary to say hi. She explains that her caretaker left her there, while she went to get lunch. They chat for a while, and he stands to walk away. The woman looks at him, and blurts out:

"Hey. You're so nice and handsome. I'm embarrassed to even ask t...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.