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Lilly Jokes

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to the desk and says "buk".

So the librarian gives the chicken a book. The chicken walks outside with the book and comes back 5 minutes later without the book.

"Buk, buk" says the chicken again, so the librarian gives it another book, it walks outside and returns with no book.

"Buk, buk" it says, and the same ...

Two cannibals are eating Lilly Singh.

One of them says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
The other one says:
"No."

Mary Poppins in the 60's: "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down."

Eli Lilly & Merck in the 00's, "A syringe-full of medicine makes the sugar go down."

Teacher: “children, what’s your biggest fear?”

Tom (5): “snakes!”

Emily (6): “lions!”

Stanley (5): “the unbelievable senselessness of life, and that we will all die a terrible death in our nightmares!”

Lilly (6): “Stanley!”

Little Johnny's Testimony

Little Johnny was home with mom while dad was away at work.
Mom asked "So, Johnny boy. What did you do with daddy while I was at grandma's yesterday?"
"I was doing my homework that suddenly aunt Lilly came home and daddy took her to your bedroom and locked the door. When I looked through the ...

With age comes wisdom

An 86 year-old man is out fishing. He was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up!"

He looked around and did not see any one. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again.

"Pick me up." The old man looked in the water and there, floating on a lilly pad w...

Do you know why Snape never taught herbology?

Because he couldn't keep his Lilly alive.

What's the name of a common garden plant, that if sat under for more than 5 minutes, would cause almost guaranteed death?

A Water Lilly.

A frog goes into a bank

“What can I help you with?” asks the Teller.

“I’d like to apply for a loan” says the frog.

“Oh” says the Teller “you need to speak with our Loan Officer, Miss Whack”.

The Teller leads the frog to Miss Whacks office and, informs her that the frog wants to apply for a loan. “What ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

School

The male teacher in a girls’ school asked the science class: “Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?”

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, “Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kermit the frog walks into a bank...

He wants to get a loan and so he speaks to the bank’s loan officer, Mr. Paddywack. Mr. Paddywack asks Kermit how much money he wants to borrow and what is the purpose of the loan. Kermit replies that he needs $5,000 to fix up his lilly pad and to do some other swamp maintenance. Mr. Paddywack is int...

How did you get your name?

A grade school meets her new class at the start of the year and starts asking them their names.

She goes to the first child, “What is your name?”
The girl replied, “Lilly”.
The teacher says, “That’s a lovely name, how did you get your name?”
The girl replied, “Because when I was born...

Dad, where did my name come from?

One day a man was sitting on the porch, reading a book while keeping an eye on his 3 kids who were playing in the yard. The eldest, Rose, comes up to him and says "Dad, I was wondering, why did you name me Rose?"

"Well you'd never believe it, but when you were born a rose petal fell from a bo...

Three kids and a mom are having a conversation

1st child: mom, why did you name me Lilly?

Mom: because when I was walking out of the hospital with you, a lily flower pedal landed on your head.

2nd child: why did you name me rose?

Mom: because when I was walking out of the hospital with you, a rose pedal landed on your head...

This joke works better told than read. There are 15 boxes in an airplane. One falls out. How many are left?

14.

*****

How do you put an elephant inside a refrigerator in 3 steps?

1. open the door
2. put the elephant in
3. close the door

*****

How do you put a giraffe inside a refrigerator in 4 steps?

1. open the door
2. remove the elep...

3 daughters

3 daughters walk to there daddy one at a time...

The oldest girl asks "Daddy how did I get my name?". The father says "a lilly fell on your head as a baby".

The middle child asks the same question and the father says "A rose fell on your head as a baby".

And the youngest girl as...

What is Vladimir Putin's tiny wife's name?

Lilly Putin.

What do you call a girl with a frog on her head ??

Lilly !!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a guy called billy,

He had a ten ft willy,
He stepped on a rake,
And got bitten by a snake,
Now his name is lilly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit are walking through the woods...

...and attempting to find a way to avoid seeing one another anymore. For a long list of reasons, these two just despise one another, but attempt to be civil, and try to talk through a way they can simply not interact with the other, solving their problem.

As they are walking along in the for...

A daughters asks her mother why her name is Rose

A daughter asks her mom, "Why is my name Rose?"
The Mom replies "because when you were born the wind blew a rose onto your head
The second daughter asks her mom, "Why is my name Lilly?"
The mom replies, "Because when you were born a Lilly fell on your head"
The Last daughter goes up to h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man goes fishing by himself....

He has been a widower for the last 15 years and really has not been social since his wife passed. One day he decides to go out fishing early in the morning, so he packs up his canoe and gear and heads out to a local pond. Hours pass and he has not caught a thing, from the other side of the pond he h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One morning eating my breakfast...

Just cereal, i was looking at the missing person part on the milk carton, and i had seen many of these before but some reason this one caught my eye, it read "Lilly, missing 2 weeks blonde hair, blue eyes, always happy". A few days later im sat in my office on the 50th floor and i look out of my win...

There were three sisters

One named Lilly, one named Rose, and the other named Cinderblock. One day Lilly went to their mother and asked, "Mom, why did you name me Lilly?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a lilly petal fell on your head," mother replied.

So then Rose went to her mother and asked, "Mom, why did you ...

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